The Chickadee Tweet

Try-a-Tri

2012-02-22T11:10:00.000-08:00

Calling all able-bodied women!

If you're looking for the ultimate in adventure and endurance, it's now time to register for your first Try-a-Tri (trimester, that is)!

Touted as THE premier sporting event of the century, this race will push your body to its limits. And as a bonus, all competitors will receive a prize!

Race Outline
First Trimester
You will begin the race with excitement and optimism...but careful! If you don't take it easy now, you'll be in for a rough road ahead. Most competitors begin to falter at the 6th line. Nausea and even vomiting can occur. Breast tenderness and emotional breakdowns are all par for the course. Pace yourself!!

Second Trimester
Suddenly, a burst of energy carries you forward! Nausea is a thing of the past (except for those unlucky ones), and you are racing forward at the speed of a pregnant lady! Bathroom stations are set up at regular intervals, for those of you needing to relieve yourselves frequently. People cheer you on from the sides (warning: many spectators can interfere with your second Tri - they attempt to shout unwanted advice at you, and try to correct your racing posture. Pay them no mind, and keep going!)

Third Trimester
You can see the finish line in the distance, but it doesn't seem to be getting any closer. Your body slows down; you feel heavy and tired. You wonder if the race will EVER end. You wish you never signed up for this damned Try-a-Tri. But suddenly.....a stretch of road that's all downhill! You're skipping along to the finish!

But wait....you notice something. One FINAL, GIANT obstacle. A wall that you must scale, which seems to stretch up for miles. Your spectators rally around you, supporting you while you scale the heights. And soon, you're on the other side....elation! A cheer goes up in the crowd!

Prizes
All competitors, just for finishing the race, will receive 1 squishy, beautiful baby*

*Please note: exchanges will not be possible

To register, all you need to do is find yourself an able-bodied man - doesn't really matter which man! Any one will do! For questions and registration details, call 1-800-SUCKER.

Co-Sleeping Crisis? Or Co-Sleeping Ignorance?

2012-02-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

I just came across this article on Baby Centre, and it angered me. I realize that they're just trying to facilitate discussion, but it's these kind of biased articles that do more damage than good.

I've written about co-sleeping before. It's very clear that there are many benefits, and I won't re-list them here. You can read the old post!

What's so interesting to me about this story are the two cases of infant deaths that have occurred due to co-sleeping, and the Milwaukee Mayor's response to the deaths.

Both deaths occurred (from what I can glean from news facts!) due to unsafe co-sleeping conditions. The first being an older sibling who rolled on top of the baby, and the second being a mother who had too much alcohol in her system.

Right off the bat, my "safety" alarm bells ring! These were both unsafe co-sleeping environments, and it is devastating that two infants died because of this. But it doesn't mean that "if you love your baby, do not sleep with your baby." I love my child, and I still sleep with her.

The fact is, co-sleeping (or bed sharing) is SAFE, if DONE PROPERLY!

1) The only person who is perfectly in tune with baby is its mother. A mother is biologically designed NOT to roll on top of her baby. She is hyper-aware of their presence in the bed, and usually will wake to the first little noise or snuffle. Therefore, a newborn should never, ever be sleeping next to dad or any other sibling (or pets!!). The baby should be in between mom and either a wall, or a safe mesh railing.

2) The mattress should be nice and firm, with a fitted sheet. Mothers should avoid heavy blankets and too many pillows. Baby should be lying away from any pillows or blankets

3) Never, under any circumstances, should you co-sleep if you have been drinking (or taking drugs), or if either you or your partner smoke. Your mama spidey-senses will not be as alert.

[There are many more safety tips you can read in this book.]

The media campaign that the City of Milwaukee has put out is both terrifying and disgusting:

Seriously?? Come on, people. Do yourself a favour, and become educated in your choices! Don't allow sensationalized ads like these ones influence your parenting decisions.

According to our society, there are dangers lurking around every corner. We seem to feed off the scary, the dreadful, and the rare (but devastating) things that can happen to our children. In the end, we live in a constant state of anxiety, never allowing ourselves to do what's right for US.

And the bigger picture here is not a baby sleeping with a knife. It's a baby safely tucked in next to its mother, breastfeeding happily throughout the night.

Co-sleeping crisis? I think not! It's a crisis of the City of Milwaukee not providing parents with much-needed information about co-sleeping safety.

Freezer Meals

2012-02-17T10:47:00.000-08:00

Last week my friends and I completed our second freezer meal cook-off day, and I thought it might be helpful for other families if I posted about the experience.

I’m sure everyone (those with or without children) struggles with weekday meals. A long work day, stressful commute, and a winter storm thrown into the mix, can make meal preparation a challenge.

Thankfully there are solutions that don’t involve dinner-in-a-box or expensive take-out. It requires some hard work, and a bit of planning, but the end result is a freezer full of dinners for your hungry family.

1) The first step is to find some girl (or guy) friends who you wouldn’t want to murder with a kitchen knife after a long day of cooking. We have discovered that 4 people work well together, each being responsible for 3-4 meals.

2) The next step is to decide whose kitchen you will grace with your culinary ~~disasters~~ talents. This must be a big kitchen, with lots of counter space for chopping and preparing ingredients. It is also helpful if the host has all the gadgets (eg. food processor, good set of pots/pans, lots of knives etc.); but not essential, as other participants can bring their own stuff with them.

3) Follow a recipe!! Trying to create your own meals out of the blue is a recipe (hehe) for disaster. Our friend who started the whole tradition found this book at Chapters, which is what we follow:

4) Each choose 3-4 meals you would like to make, but have one person responsible for writing up the grocery list. Creating the master list can take a long time (e.g. wait, was that 15lbs of ground beef, or 50lbs?), so share the responsibility each time you do your cooking day.

5) Decide where to go shopping. Both times, we have gone to Costco, with a quick run to a regular grocery store for the extras. We also contribute our own ingredients – condiments and spices are most likely just lying around in your cupboards at home. Allocate at least 2-3 hours for shopping!

Lotsa meat!!

6) Decide where to store the food. This last time, we had the benefit of snow outside to keep our meat cold. But a cooking day in July can be challenging for finding fridge space for all the food!

7) Don’t forget to eat! Plan what you will do for a lunch break. We have found red wine to be very helpful in maintaining a calm atmosphere.

Donuts are an essential ingredient!

The cookbook we use is designed specifically for this kind of cooking/storing. You can do this with 2, 4, 6 or 8 people (we have come to the conclusion that 8 people would be madness). I’ve noticed that some of the meals are big enough to feed my family twice, so if I end up with 10 meals in total, I actually have something close to 20 dinners!

Despite my caution against making up recipes “out of the blue,” we have experimented with some recipes we know and love. For example, my friend’s lasagna is a huge winner, so she makes up 4 giant lasagnas which are stored in tinfoil pans. I have also done a massive pot of chili and quinoa stew, and divided them amongst 4 freezer bags.

Our one complaint with this cookbook is that it is strictly meat-based meals. My husband is very happy about this, as he would eat meat all day if I let him! But if you are very health conscious, you may shy away from all the ground beef, chicken and pork, as well as the generous amounts of sugar and salt. My commitment to buying only local/organic meats goes out the window for these cooking days.

This is the reason why we have expanded to include our own vegetarian recipes, and our goal for next time is to try to do more of these, and less from the book. The focus on meat can also make it more expensive, as clearly, dried or canned legumes cost much less. But all in all, it has been a very positive experience, and has saved me many a-nights wondering what I need to do for dinner.

Costs

The grand total this time around was: $174 per person (family) for 11 meals*

The grand total last time was: $130 for about 8 meals (can’t remember the exact #)**

*don’t forget that the meals are large enough to last 2 nights

**as a gift to our pregnant friends (1 last time, and 1 this time), 3 of us picked up the bill, which allowed us to give the gift of food to a new family. A great baby shower gift idea!!

Other Hints/Tips

- most recipes call for chopped onion or carrots. Do ALL of the onions and carrots beforehand in a food processor. Saves on a lot of time, and any leftovers can be packed in freezer bags for future use. One mom took our leftover carrots to make baby food!

- This takes us about 6 hours, with a break for lunch. So plan for 9am – 3pm

- Bring some grocery bins or big boxes with you to carry your food home. Some things need to remain upright (lasagna) so that they don’t squish or spill.

- Make photocopies of the recipes and cooking instructions, and staple a copy to each bag. This helps to avoid the “what the heck is that!?” question two months down the road.

- oh, and have fun!!!

Ripper, the Jack

2012-02-15T05:00:00.000-08:00

"We're going to name him Ripper," my brother and father say.

Me, staring in disbelief: "That's ridiculous! You can't name him Ripper...that's like naming your child Cruella."

"I think you're outvoted, Mist."

Me, stomping to my room.

I was 13. We'd recently decided to get another family dog, after the devastating loss of our pug, Maggie.

Maggie was my baby. She was the cutest pug I'd ever set eyes on (my current pug Darcy is pretty cute too), and while the family was on vacation in Florida, she was struck by a car and killed instantly. Only 4 years old, and no chance to say goodbye.

So I was hesitant to welcome a new dog into our family. But the house just wasn't the same without the clickety-clack of nails on the floor, and the incessant barking that happened when the mail carrier walked up the driveway. We were in desperate need of a furry friend, and although we had owned two pugs in the past, my dad and brother were obsessed with a different kind of dog.....

The Jack Russell.

If you have never had the pleasure of meeting the infamous Jack Russell, here is a description of the breed:

The Russell Terrier is a strong, hardy, earth-working Terrier. He is full of life and moves with confidence that matches his keen expression. The breed's handy size, small flexible chest, nose, strong voice and fearless nature make it an excellent specimen to work vermin below ground. Its weatherproof coat may be smooth, broken or rough and is predominantly white with tan and/or black markings.

Earth-working? Fearless nature? An excellent specimen to work vermin below ground??? What were we getting into?

The characteristics that they attempt to shade over here include: stubborn, sometimes vicious, and relentless.

Hence, the name Ripper.

Ripper wriggled and sniffed his way into our home and our hearts, although not without some hesitation on my mother's part. Being a stubborn breed, he was exceptionally difficult to train - he insisted on peeing in the same spot in the house, time and time again, and it took months to get him to go outdoors. He would run away the second the front door opened, tearing off down the street like a bat-outta-hell.

And the ripping...did I mention the ripping? He would shred and tear to bits any piece of paper/kleenex/food that was within reach (and his reach was amazing - he could jump as high as the kitchen counter). In his heyday, he managed to scarf down one of my mom's EI cheques, a $20 bill, many pieces of homework, a whole pack of cigarettes, a box of Girl Guide cookies, whole garbage cans full of kleenex and other female products....the list goes on. And although he sometimes ralphed the stuff up, his ravenous appetite for the inedible never once landed him at the veterinarian or in surgery.

Our dog was well known amongst our high school friends. Having people over or throwing parties was an adventure - we never knew what Ripper would do, and I usually spent most of the night chasing him around, trying to wrestle another cigarette pack out of his mouth. Or you might have spotted me at 1am, chasing him down the street.

Despite the craziness, he was an entertaining and loving dog. He adored our backyard swimming pool, and in the summer months, he would spend whole days swimming back and forth. He even learned how to dive, right down to the bottom of the shallow end. We would throw golf balls in and marvel over his ability to pick them up. Most people loved Ripper, because of his never-ending desire to play. He would chase balls for hours, only to collapse at the end of the day in his bed. When he got the chance to be free in the "wilderness," he would dart back and forth, finding all of the holes in the ground and trying to chase the vermin out. But no matter how much he loved to frolic in the outdoors, he was always a sucker for a warm body, and would happily snooze, curled up on our laps.

When I got my pug, Darcy, it was Ripper's job to teach her a few things. Being 10 at the time, he was slowing down, but certainly not retiring. He took it upon himself to show Darcy how to bark and jump madly at the coffee bean grinder; how to attack other dogs (especially the big ones); and how to swim and dive in the pool. Darcy has now taken over Ripper's place in the world, although thank god, she's never had a taste for paper or kleenex.

Ripper lived almost 17 years, and passed away peacefully two weeks ago. Happy until the end, he continued to scrounge for food, despite having lost all of his hearing and most of his sight. His sense of smell never waned, and at the first whiff of a cookie or cracker, he would be by your side begging for a little bite. The morning following his death, the birds chirped and hopped over his small grave, feeling wistful for the old four-legged creature who used to chase them from the bird feeders.

You were a legendary dog, Ripper, and will forever be close to our hearts.

Two Days to Breathe

2012-02-14T06:23:00.000-08:00

Two days.....it felt long, but of course, never long enough.

Two days to celebrate love.

(can you believe we didn't get a pic of the two of us?)

Two days to taste my first rabbit pie, pig's knuckle and boar sausage.

The Quebec Tasting Platter - the most meat I've eaten in my life

Two days to walk the blistering cold cobblestone streets of Old Quebec.

Two days to dive into a great book (The Colony of Unrequited Dreams, by Wayne Johnston)

Two days to read random poetry on poles... "chaque jour, une fleur" (every day, a flower)

Two days to breathe

though cold, catching breaths

let loose clouds of steam

that rise up and over the steeples

of the old city

Bloggy Break

2012-02-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

I have been on an unintended blogging break! This happens every once in a while - life usually takes over, and creative writing juices do not flow.

I've also "done it again" - over-committed myself, which has resulted in crazy schedules, sickness (because of my lowered immune system), and an overall sense of not being able to follow through on things. So I've spent this past week scaling back, and coming to the realization (again!!) that I can't do it all.

My New Year's resolution was to become less scatterbrained. But I can't be clear of mind if I'm constantly running from one meeting/appointment/event to the next, and never taking time to prioritize.

This weekend hubby and I are off to a romantic weekend away in Quebec City. It's our first time going away sans child (except for one rushed night away for a wedding ages ago), and I'm looking forward to just taking time to breathe...without the constant nagging of Twitter, Facebook, calendars and toddlers.

Once back, I'm excited to write some new posts - I will be chronicling our "cook-off" day for freezer meals (which other families out there might find helpful!), remembering our beloved family dog, and discussing my challenges with prioritizing for health and happiness.

Until then, have a LOVEly Valentine's Day!

Things I Learned on the Internet

2012-01-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

There are many things that I like about the internet. Sometimes I curse the internet – like when my daughter has said “mama?” five times, and I’ve neglected to hear her because I’m looking at my Twitter feed. Or when I stare sadly at the mountainous pile of dishes in my sink, after wasting an hour surfing my fav blogs and websites.

But then there are moments of pure delight, and I wonder how I ever survived without this magical tool. The tool that allows me to get the answer to any question I have; the tool that connects me to amazing, talented people who write articles that lift me up to the heavens; and the tool that gives me insight into the kind of life I want to be living.

My week on the internet has been on of those magic-inducing weeks. Here are some highlights

Most of you probably read Glennon Melton’s piece in the Huffington Post. If you didn’t, you must read it. And if you read it, you must head on over to my friend Sara’s blog, and read her response. Both are insightful for any mother (or father!) out there.
After that, I did some googling on Glennon, and found her blog Momastery. All I can say is…..wow. This woman has some serious talent in writing. And the weird thing? I’m totally not religious (unless you consider my dabbling in Buddhism to be “religion”; or my token visits to church at Christmas), and yet all of her posts where she talks about God and Jesus give me goosebumps. If I read any more, I may soon be accepting the Lord as my saviour and making a beeline for the church down the street.
I discovered that I can make tortillas. Really easily. And it cost me, like, 40 cents. Have you read the ingredients on the tortillas that you buy from the grocery store? It’s like a chemical bomb erupted in your mouth!
And the most important, all-time, best thing I have learned from the internet (this week): I can make my own hair gel using water and flaxseeds. And it WORKS. This is a seriously amazing thing for a curly-haired gal. I have tried bottles of different kinds of spray, moose and hair gel, and only about 5% of them actually work to reduce frizziness. And the chemical bomb I was talking about earlier? Hair gel is a big-ass atom bomb.

What have you learned this week? What has inspired you?

{Ottawa Doula} Let's talk about.....sex

2012-01-24T08:22:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm going to do it (pun intended).

I'm going to talk about the thing that we don't really talk about - unless you're a bunch of moms diving into glasses of beer and wine, while experiencing several hours of kid-free bliss at a local high-end establishment (as I may have been doing the other evening).

Then you talk about it.

IT......SEX. (Disclaimer: this post contains scenes of nudity and coarse language. Reader discretion is advised.)

Sex is one thing that expectant parents want to know more about, but is a subject that is hard to broach with family, friends and healthcare providers.

Oh sure, there's plenty of information out there. All of your pregnancy books will talk about sex during pregnancy and postpartum, and you can read anything you want on popular baby websites.

But the reality is usually quite different, and as with any issue/topic, you can be treading muddied waters. No woman (or man) is the same, and experiences differ widely.

I thought a lot about how to write on this topic - should I make bullet points? List some of the myths associated with pregnancy and sex? Write about my own experience (ummm....TMI)? Then I thought about a top 10 list...."top 10 things you might not know about sex." But I think we all know those.

For instance, I'm sure you're well aware that a man's penis cannot "bump" into your baby's head while having sex during pregnancy. And your baby cannot "feel" you having sex. And from my post the other week, you know that orgasm during childbirth is rare (and perhaps a myth). And you probably realize that you won't be jumping right back into the sack after pushing out your baby.

But what is "normal"? What kinds of things might happen to you, and what kinds of things will you experience?

To answer this question, I always like to consult Season 4 of Sex and the City. Because, you know, Sex and the City is just like real life....really. We all have oodles of money to spend on fancy restaurants and posh New York night clubs. And we all live in really awesome apartments in the Big Apple. Come on, I can dream though, can't I?

The reason I like Miranda's experience in pregnancy is that the show's producers stick to pretty "normal" issues - Miranda puking on the phone while talking to Carrie; Miranda farting up a stinky storm in a shoe store; Miranda so horny that she'll sleep with father/ex-lover Steve; and Miranda feeling lost in the postpartum period, as she struggles with sleep deprivation, loss of non-mommy friends, and a pretty dry sex life.

So to add to this list, let's create some additional fictional episodes of Sex and the City, featuring a pregnant (or postpartum) Miranda - I know I've also committed blasphemy by not remaining true to the story, as Steve is not really supposed to be living with Miranda. Please don't write me emails trying to educate me on how Season 4 really went :)

These are all issues that women, at one time or another, have dealt with. And I've probably missed plenty of them, so feel free to add.

Episode 1
Contrary to the real Sex and the City episode, this time, Miranda is pregnant and does not want to have sex. She has no desire, whatsoever. She is big, bloated, and can't even see her toes, let alone her vagina. So no sex here Steve-o, sorry!!

Episode 2
The girls meet at their local spot, and Miranda worries about the state of her vagina, post-baby. She experienced a 2nd degree tear, and wonders if it will ever be the same "down there" again. The episode ends positively, with Miranda braving a peek with a mirror, and discovering it pretty much looks the same - minus the stitches, swelling and bleeding (kidding! It totally goes back to normal....I promise....although you may experience more of those unpleasant "queefs" than you did pre-pregnancy, a.k.a farts out of your vagina)

Episode 3
Miranda has decided to bed-share with little Brady, and Steve makes the mistake of disagreeing with her. He thinks it will "ruin" their sex lives. Miranda points out that, first of all, she has no interest in having sex at the moment. And second of all, if Steve is so disingenuous that he can't think of some alternate places to make love, than maybe he's not such a great lover after all.

Episode 4
Miranda and Steve decide to try to have sex 6 weeks after the birth, only to realize that Miranda's birth canal has turned into the Arabian desert - dry, dry, dry. They must use an entire bottle of lubricant just to get things going, which quickly evaporates within the place-where-no-wet-things-live.

Episode 5
Miranda worries about birth control. Her period comes back much earlier than she thought it would (while breastfeeding) and she knows her body will soon be back into baby-making shape. But this is not good - ohhhhh no, definitely not good. No babies, ever again (or so she thinks). So, a birth control conversation takes place amongst the girls. Condoms are out - much too sore for a dry girl. The pill is out - no hormones while breastfeeding! The IUD is expensive.....but, maybe she could try Taking Charge of Your Fertility, the wildly popular new do-it-yourself gynaecological bible (seriously, read it. It's good!)

Episode 6
Miranda and Steve quickly realize that they won't be having sex after the typical "6 week postpartum" rule. It may be more like a "6 year postpartum" rule. Miranda feels pressured to have sex, and Steve feels put out that Miranda isn't ready when the pregnancy books say she will be. In fact, after the first year postpartum, they count that they have had sex only 4 times. That's averaging 0.3 times per month.

Episode 7 - the happy ending
Miranda and Steve finally have a successful "coming together" and Miranda discovers that not only is her body back to normal, but sex is better than it ever was before! Samantha is very jealous, and considers having a child herself.

See? Everything always ends happily.....on TV. But in real life, it might not. Severe tearing, crappy suturing jobs, and infections can make for a not-so-good sex life. Things sometimes get a little tight down there if you've been sewn up. If this is the case, I suggest you consult a knowledgeable physiotherapist about getting your "flexibility" back. Here's a great one in Ottawa: Heather Grewar

Babies take up a lot of physical space. They suck away at you (literally) for most hours of the day, and the last thing you want to do at the end of the day is hop into your lacy panties and put on Marvin Gaye's "Get It On." Some women struggle with sexual desire even when their babies grow up into toddlers. My advice to you would be to recall situations/memories when you easily experienced sexual desires, and try to recreate them. Most women begin to drool over the sight of a clean kitchen, folded laundry and washed floors....hubbies, take note!!

In addition to physical issues, feelings and emotions can also play a role in postpartum sex. Both Mom and Dad can feel traumatized by their birth experience. Some men who are unprepared for childbirth (and who may have specific fears relating to blood etc.) can experience significant trauma related to his witnessing of the birth. Women may feel disappointed or angry if the birth didn't go as planned. These issues should most definitely be dealt with, especially if you want to maintain a strong relationship with your partner for years to come. A good counsellor can go a long way in helping you both work through various challenges.

Ladies (and men), do not despair. If your sex life was great before baby, it can still be great post-baby. If you give yourself time, and if your hubby is willing to give you time (sans guilt trip), then it can make your first tries quite fun - almost like being a virgin again!

But remember, both of you are responsible for making your sex life work. And if you don't want it to work, well, that's another kettle of fish.

Reporting from between the bed sheets, I'm Misty Pratt.

Babies in 3D

2012-01-17T09:51:00.000-08:00

I came across this article today, about the rise in numbers of parents scheduling 3D and 4D ultrasounds of their babies. This particular article is about "fetus parties" (which sounds really weird), but touches on the issue of ultrasound in general.

Studies conducted in the recent past have concluded that ultrasound in prenatal care has no significant impacts on neurological development. However, more recent studies (such as quoted here), have found brain damage in ultrasound experiments with mice - the kind of damage consistent in the brains of children with autism.

Now, we know that everyone is trying to pin the blame for autism somewhere. I've written about possible links to pitocin, and you know the rumours (yes, just rumours - nothing has been proven) over links with vaccinations.

Both of those things concern me, too. I didn't have to worry about pitocin, as I was not induced and my labour wasn't augmented. I did vaccinate my child, but with some reservations. I was not so much worried about the link to autism (as I had read about the retraction of the Lancet article), but I was worried more about the preservatives used in the vaccines. Injecting my child with formaldehyde doesn't seem very appealing, but I weighed the risks and benefits, and made an informed choice.

But when it comes to ultrasound, no one talks about risks. Ultrasounds are made out to be "perfectly safe," and women are sent for ultrasounds any time a small concern arises. Furthermore, as the article discusses above, new 3D and 4D ultrasounds are bringing in the big bucks by offering expectant parents a chance to view their child in a way that makes them look "real" (as opposed to the alien-like pictures you are given at your regular ultrasound appointments). Most parents I know (including myself!) have no idea that there are suspected risks involved with ultrasound technology.

Here's my ultrasound experience:
When I first got pregnant, I was sent for a "dating" ultrasound, as my menstrual cycles had not been very regular (because, of course, we have to know our exact due dates...insert sarcasm). This occurred at 10 weeks. I later consented to the regular 20 week ultrasound, which also included the prenatal screening for things like Down's Syndrome. However, my baby was not very cooperative in my belly, and they couldn't get proper measurements. So, back again the following week!

Several weeks later I experienced some light spotting, and was sent for another one to confirm everything was OK (it was). This was followed by another ultrasound to check growth, as my belly was not growing the average 1cm per week. In dealing with an inept technician at the Kemptville Hospital, I then had to go back for a repeat ultrasound to check again.

So let's count them: that's SIX ultrasounds! And that was for a healthy, low-risk pregnancy. I wonder how many ultrasounds women get who are considered high-risk?

I'm not trying to scare you here into refusing all ultrasounds. Clearly, much more research needs to be done to find out if there are any risks to your baby. But what I am trying to do here is to highlight that ultrasound technology does do something, and there is evidence that this "something" affects the brain. So if you are consenting to many unnecessary ultrasounds and participating in these costly 3D and 4D sessions, you may want to do a bit more reading.

Technology often comes with a cost. Maybe it's time for us to become more aware of those costs, and the impact they're having on our babies and our children.

The Case of the Missing Bathing Suit

2012-01-16T05:53:00.000-08:00

The inspector sat in his wing-backed chair, squinting at the report in his hand. The light was poor, and the cigar smoke drifting up from the tray made it difficult to focus on the words.

The door to his office slammed open. A woman entered, and the Inspector could instantly sense her distress. Her hat was slightly askew, and her hair had been hastily pinned.

"Inspector," she cried breathlessly. "There's been a robbery."

"Why don't you take a seat." He got up, and putting a firm hand on her elbow, guided her to the chair.

"I'm sorry," she said, brushing the hair from her eyes. "It's just been so distressing." She proceeded to tell the inspector her story.

****************** Fast Forward 6 Weeks ******************

"I'm sorry to be the one to break the news to you, my dear." The inspector was sympathetic. "We've discovered that, in fact, there was no robbery. It was simply a misunderstanding - your husband accidentally donated all of your summer clothing to The Salvation Army. He must have mistaken the box with your bathing suit for goods that were to be given to the poor."

"Well....," she said, at a loss for words.

Yes, it's a true story (minus the inspector). My summer clothes are gone - now hanging at the local Salvation Army. Or so I assume, as I haven't had a chance to go "shopping" there yet. The Salvation Army is closed on Sundays (duh).

All of my bathing suits (actually, I'm guessing those get thrown out), my shorts, tanks and god knows what else, are on display for the world to purchase. At a low cost, mind you.

The situation is a funny one, because really, things like this only happen to me, ie. people who are dumb enough not to double check all of the bags and boxes of stuff being loaded into the car.

Many people living in this world don't even have enough clothes to wear, so really, I can't be very upset. Except for the fact that we're on a strict budget at the moment, and I can't really afford to buy a bunch of new things (I've budgeted for 1 new pair of work pants for the next month). And it won't be a problem until the weather is warm enough for me to waltz around in shorts and t-shirts.

So the whole kerfuffle has me reflecting on the value of my clothes, and thinking back to a recent interview I heard on CBC's Q. The clothes we buy from stores like Reitmans and H&M cost pennies to make, but cost lives to consume. The "sweat shop" issue is far from old news. In the 1990's there was a big hue and a cry over practices by brands such as Nike. And yet today, we barely here a peep of dissidence, despite our ever-growing appetite for cheap and fashionable clothing.

I haven't read the book featured on Q, but the interview certainly struck a cord. Most of us fill our closets with cheaply made clothes, replacing our things with the changes of the seasons. And every garment we buy will end up in a landfill - despite our efforts at donating clothes, they will someday need to be disposed of. And the new fabrics, which are not natural at all, do not decompose well in our mountainous landfills.

The answer to the problem is a tough one for the "modern" woman (ie. the woman who wants to look semi-fashionable, especially in the workplace where this is expected) - we must spend money on really good quality clothing, which will last 10x longer then the hastily sewn stuff at H&M, but our bank account will suffer in the short-term. We don't tend to see the long-term benefits, and in a consumer driven world, this is not enough motivation to change our purchasing habits.

So in essence, it's a behavioural change problem - a lot of us know about the social and environmental impact we have on our world, but this doesn't translate into changed behaviour. We may care about the workers who are treated poorly in other countries; we may care about the massive quantities of natural resources used to make our clothing; and we may care about the waste; but we care more about our wardrobe and how we "look" to others.

In having lost all of my clothes (some of which I may recover by taking a visit to the good old Salvation Army), I am suddenly forced to take a good look at my desire for new clothes, coupled with my desire for a sustainable wardrobe. My goal in the next few months will be to scour the city and online stores for clothing that is going to last me a long time, albeit at a much greater cost in the short-term.

First up? A bathing suit - I may not be allowed to enter the pool with Aylen's swim class wearing only my birthday suit :)

Have any tips or suggestions for sustainable clothing? Share them below!

{Ottawa Doula} Research to Action

2012-01-12T12:29:00.000-08:00

I sat in on an interesting presentation at work today about "knowledge translation" - a very basic term describing how research actually gets translated into practice.

She used a great story to kick-off the talk:

In 1497, a ship sailing with 160 sailors discovered that supplementing the men with lemon juice may have helped to ward off/cure scurvy. Guess how long it took for the British government to formally implement the citrus remedy onto every ship setting sail from the country?

368 years.

So for 368 years, more and more researchers discovered (and conducted trials) to assess the applicability of citrus juice in preventing or treating scurvy. But it took until 1865 for the "head honchos" to do anything with the life-saving information. Soon, all ships sailing from Britain used citrus fruits to ward of the impact of scurvy.

Luckily for us modern folks, the gap between research and practice has now shrunk to 17 years. Yikes - still doesn't seem that great, does it?

Let's take a birth-related example. Research for the past several years has shown that delayed cord clamping can have significant benefits for the newborn. However, most hospitals, unless you insist (and you have to be quick - they'll go "snip, snip" before you know it!) will cut the cord immediately after birth.

So why the gap? There are 2 main reasons:

Researchers don't do enough to pass their findings on to health care practitioners - instead, they focus on publication, which they are bound to do by the institutions they work for ("publish or die" is pretty much the mantra in the research world)
Doctors don't have time to read hundreds of studies published in medical journals

We're all working on solutions to the problem, mainly by attempting to be better at translating knowledge - by working directly with patients, health care professionals, and other interest groups.

But in the meantime, what's a poor pregnant mama to do? Maybe you've heard of something that could be beneficial to yourself or your baby, but it's not common practice at your institution. Here are some tips for putting your own research into action:

1) Stay really well informed. Avoid wasting time with websites like Baby Centre or books like What to Expect When You're Expecting. These are not sources of good quality evidence. Instead, check out these websites:

MotherRisk

Health Evidence

Cochrane Library

2) If you read something you want to know more about, print off a copy and bring it to your next prenatal appointment. Doctors are time-strapped, but they do appreciate (generally) patients who are well informed.

3) Compromise. Try to come to some agreement with your healthcare practitioner. It's never helpful to become angry, and most doctor's don't respond well to "unruly" patients. Remember that they're working within an institution, which comes along with many rules and regulations - sometimes they want to help, but their hands are tied.

4) Accept when something may not be possible. Despite all of your efforts to convince your doctor that a certain procedure is beneficial, they may be bound by hospital policy.

5) Know your rights. You do have rights as a patient!

6) If you can't change it, go somewhere else! If it's not too late, try to find a practitioner who is more willing to address your needs.

Making evenings work

2012-01-10T11:38:00.000-08:00

What are your evenings like? Ours go like this:

4:30pm: pick up Aylen from daycare
4:45pm: arrive home; someone walks the dog
5:30pm: hopefully have dinner ready, depending on how much I've planned out
6:00pm: dishes and playing with Aylen
6:30pm: Aylen's bath
7:00pm: Storytime
7:30pm: Aylen's (hopefully) asleep
7:45pm: curl up on the couch, watch old episodes of Being Erica or read a book. Tom goes downstairs, watches old episodes of Top Gear or works in his shop.

There's not much "wrong" with this schedule until we hit about 7:45/8 at night. Then suddenly we become couch potatoes - and separate couch potatoes at that! No fun Scrabble games, or interesting conversation....just a boring old couple too tired to do much else.

Last night I was angry going to bed, because I realized that in addition to sitting all day long at my desk job, I basically sat all evening long, and went to bed with a sore back and neck. I've never thought of myself as a couch potato until I had a child, and now I'm the queen potato!

So, today at work (yes, I am actually working as well, but must take a break from the monotony of spreadsheets), I have compiled a list of things that Tom and I could be doing in the evenings. Some are projects that we can work on together, while others are personal goals of ours that we should be attempting to achieve.

Using our indoor bike trainer (Tom)
Doing yoga (Misty)
Creating a family budget
Planning for our 2012 garden!
Finishing our downstairs bathroom renovations
Meal planning
Work on a new website/blog for me!

What do your evenings look like? Any tips for ways to reconnect as a couple?

Birthy Reads (a.k.a An Advertisement for Chapter's)

2012-01-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

I think that I've now made it through the most popular birth-related reads out there, and I'm happy to share my thoughts about them here. Some of these are definitely geared towards midwives, doulas and childbirth educators, while others are just fictional novels that anyone could enjoy. Please send me lists of others you have enjoyed that I haven't included here!

Keep in mind I'm only discussing fictional/non-fictional "fun" reads - there are, of course, thousands of other birth-related books out there on pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum.

Midwives - my very first birth-related work of fiction, read long before I was considering children or doula work. One word: terrifying. Do NOT recommend this book to any expectant parents. It is the story of a midwife who needs to perform an emergency cesarean on a woman in a remote location in the North-Eastern US, as a winter storm prevents the midwife from transferring her client to hospital. Totally gripping, edge-of-your-seat drama, but really, really terrifying. Not a positive boost for home birth.

The Birth House - In case you missed it, this was a 2011 Canada Reads nomination, and a national bestseller. Regardless of whether you're into birth or not, you must read this book, if only for its fabulous Canadian writing and content.

The Midwife (or Call the Midwife) - Written by Britain's Jennifer Worth, this is a memoir of the author's experiences working as a midwife in London's east side during the 1950s. Definitely geared to folks hankering for beautiful and touching birth stories, as well as those wanting to know more about life in post-war London. Worth is an eloquent writer, and I'm excited to read her other novels. And bonus, the BBC is making this into a television series!

The Midwife of Venice - Just finished this one! Wasn't exactly what I had expected, but was a very quick read and kept me turning the pages. The story follows Jewish midwife Hannah, and is set in 1500's Venice. If not necessarily an accurate portrayal of birth in the 1500's (although, who knows, it could be!), it was certainly interesting to learn a bit more about the Jewish ghettos and relations between Christians and Jews during that time in history.

The Red Tent - really enjoyed this one, which takes fictional liberty with the biblical story about Jacob, his 4 wives and his 12 sons. I've never read the Bible, but it was interesting to skim through passages of Genesis and compare the "real" story to this fictional account. We need more of this - female perspectives of historical events, religious or not. Women are certainly not well represented in the Bible, and this at least adds some depth and meaning to a text that may otherwise be rejected by people like me. And seriously, bring back The Red Tent. I will go gladly into the tent.

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife - this is another one with edge-of-your-seat birth stories, the majority of which end happily. I love reading about the journey the author takes from L&D nurse in the late 60's/early 70's, to home birthing midwife in the 80's.

Here are some others I'd love to try:

The Midwife's Confession (fictional)

The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife's Memoir (non-fictional, memoir)

The Midwife's Tale (fictional)

Playing Catch: A Midwife's Memoirs (non-fictional, memoir)

Orgasm During Childbirth? I call BS!

2012-01-08T12:41:00.000-08:00

Everyone loves the movie Orgasmic Birth (now retitled Organic Birth, or something like that). At least, everyone in the natural birthing community loves it. Why? Because it communicates the fact that birth doesn't have to be horribly painful and scary. It can be beautiful and loving.

Birth is a time when our "love" hormones are at their highest levels - we will never experience that kind of high at any other point in our lives. So yes, a lot of women will get a "rush" as the babies head emerges, and some have even reported orgasmic-like feelings.
But seriously...I call bullshit. Not "bullshit, you didn't experience that" (because, who am I to deny a woman's experience?). But bullshit that childbirth will result in orgasms.

As one friend so aptly put it to me several years ago, "along with all the pressures women face in terms of their bodies, we now have to experience orgasm during childbirth AS WELL!?"

I agree with you 100% sister. Isn't it enough that I have to deal with (on average) 12 hours of knock-me-to-the-floor contractions (oops, sorry, I'm supposed to say "rushes")? But now I have to orgasm at the end of it all? Give me a break!

To all women out there - I can attest to the fact that natural childbirth is definitely wonderful. I think I re-live my labour/birth experience almost every day, and I am extraordinarily proud of what I accomplished. I wouldn't do it any other way.

But it hurt. Like, seriously.....it REALLY HURT. Here is how one woman put it when describing her water breaking:

Words cannot really describe the pain of my water breaking in that doorway, and the [babies] face dropping so fast, too fast, into my pelvic bones. They just can't. A too oft used cliche, but a true one. Like my mother's old 14 pound pink bowling ball being dropped on my pelvis?

If we tell women that birth is all orgasmic and stuff, aren't we setting them up for some serious disappointment if they experience something else? The majority of women do not experience orgasms in birth. Yes, there can be joyful moments, and some women report having painless childbirth - this is possible, but not the norm.

As doulas, I urge you to tread lightly when speaking to women about the experiences/feelings of childbirth. No one experience is the same, and when you talk too much, you risk your client coming back to you and saying "hey, it totally wasn't what you said it would be." Our role as a doula is to listen - to work through fears and concerns, and prepare parents for the reality of childbirth. And the reality is - it will probably be much more painful than expected. Chances are, if you skim through the book Hypnobirthing, you're not going to be moaning in pleasure during your contractions.

But does that mean that a positive natural childbirth is impossible to accomplish? No way! Our job is to encourage our clients in seeing their upcoming experience as a rite of passage - and an extremely positive one at that. Again, here is a quote from the same woman above:

There are moments that define us, that are written so vividly in our memories that nothing erases them, or overrides them. That moment, in the doorway, now defines me to myself, for it is always in my mind. In that moment, I knew I could face motherhood and everything that word encompasses. If I could get through that pain, that moment of the most unbridled display of emotion I'd ever had, when I was gripped in my partner's arms, screaming in his ear "I can't do this, what the hell is happening to me, this is too much" - if I got through that without crying Uncle, without the thought of drugs or asking for relief crossing my mind, I know I can manage whatever comes. Mayhap not gracefully, or quietly, but manage I will.

We can manage, we can conquer, and we can succeed.

But orgasm? No....sorry, not this time, honey. I have a headache.

Pacifiers Suck or Pacifiers Rock?

2012-01-06T10:12:00.000-08:00

I didn't really want to introduce a pacifier to Aylen when she was a baby. At first, I thought it would destroy our breastfeeding relationship (yes, I'm a drama queen), and was following the guideline of waiting 4-6 weeks after birth to introduce an artifical nipple. But then I decided I just didn't want her to rely on some thing to soothe herself.

However, as the reflux she experienced became more severe, it was apparent that something needed to be done. Aylen was never a thumb sucker, although I desperately wished she would develop the habit. I even tried guiding her thumb into her mouth, but she would cry and spit it out. Breastfeeding couldn't soothe her, because it made the reflux worse (especially at night).

And so, one day we reluctantly tried the soother (which she now calls her "suckie"), and magically, our daughter dozed off on her own! This was the first time anything like this had ever happened, without some seriously intense jiggling and rocking, and screams that sounded as though 10 people were being murdered at the same time.

Fast forward 2 years, and Aylen adores her "suckie." We began restricting its use during her awake times, so she now knows she only gets it at naptime and bedtime. However, our daycare person has been successful in putting her down for naps without it, so we began wondering how to do the same. And we've been told by countless people that you must get rid of the pacifier around 2 years of age.

There is, of course, the cold turkey method, which many parents find helpful. Just take them all away, either by replacing them with a special "gift" or ceremoniously giving them away to another baby. We haven't tried this, but have been talking about doing it for many months. Our hesitation is this: Aylen does not respond well to popular behavioural methods. She never has. All those stupid books that you read to help your baby sleep better, eat well, etc.? They never worked for Aylen, and we always ended up just doing our own thing.

There is another method that has you cutting off the tip of the suckie, and allowing the child to use it if they want (children will discover it no longer works, and lose interest). We tried this method first, and not surprisingly, Aylen just sucked away happily on her broken pacifier, all night long. Did I mention we have a strong willed child?

And then there is no method at all - you just let them continue to use it at night, and hope that they someday willingly give them up. Dentists would be pretty upset over this one, as supposedly they cause dental problems.

For the record, I sucked my thumb until I was 5. I seem to have survived, and I actually asked my Mom to stop on my own. I was getting embarassed about sucking my thumb at school, so she helped me find ways to remind myself to stop.

Like so many parenting debates today, this one has different "camps" (my mother is of the opinion that our generation overthinks everything to do with parenting, and I've come to see her point). So if you decide to allow your child to use their pacifier past the "deadline" of 2 years, you'll certainly have people wondering why you haven't enforced the rules and taken it away.

Those of you who read my blog know that I don't respond well to rules. I like to break them. So I'm finally following my mother's advice (everyone wave "hi" to my mom!) and I'm going to be relaxed about this one parenting decision. We won't be following the 2 year rule, but will take a "play-it-by-ear" approach. When Aylen's ready, we'll know.

{Ottawa Doula} By Letting Your Child Cry-It-Out, Will You Fix Your Depression?

2012-01-05T08:22:00.000-08:00

Image Source

A well-known researcher in Australia (Harriet Hiscock) is responsible for the first large, controlled study of infant sleep interventions (cry-it-out) for mothers with postpartum depression. Although conducted almost 10 years ago, the evidence continues to be used today in Australia (and abroad), with many healthcare workers advocating for sleep interventions to help with maternal depression. One of these popular online networks is Babycenter, which most of you have probably consulted at one time or another.

At first glance, the evidence from this study seems to favour the sleep intervention (as opposed to the "control group," where mothers were given an information sheet on normal sleep patterns, with no advice). The sleep intervention is simply a cry-it-out (CIO) technique - either by leaving the room and waiting longer and longer intervals, or by "camping out" and allowing your child to cry while you sit by the crib or bed.

When reviewing the evidence more closely, we discover several questionable aspects of the study:

There is no blinding - participants know whether they're receiving the intervention or control, so they're more apt to want to please the researchers, by reporting that CIO worked.
Depression scores fell in both the intervention and control groups, which suggests that depression will just improve with time, regardless of the intervention (depression scores did fall slightly more in the intervention group, but was not significant. A more signifcant drop was found when they looked only at mothers with more severe depression)
By 4 months, this improvement in mood was no longer significant for the intervention group. Meaning, all of the mothers in the study (regardless of doing CIO or not) had improved
Depression scores increased for "persistent sleep problems" - meaning, depression got worse when babies didn't repond to the CIO techniques
In a follow-up study, 1 in 5 children's sleep problems had returned

So what does all of this mean?

The study does show that CIO techniques seems to improve both baby's sleep patterns and mothers who have more severe depression. What is worrisome is that the evidence is weak for women who are experiencing mild depression (which may just be an extension of the baby blues - I've discussed the difficulty in diagnosing these symptoms in a previous post). So CIO techniques are touted as the "fix" for any woman approaching their doctors with signs and symptoms of depression.

How could CIO fix your depression? Well, we all know that most of us feel more emotional when we lose sleep. Dealing with a child who wakes frequently during the night may become a source of anxiety for women who are already feeling low. So the answer? Let your baby cry, get a good nights rest, and soon you'll be a happy, healthy mama!

Why this line of argument doesn't work for me

If you've let your child CIO, I'm sorry if you're offended by this post. I don't agree with CIO, although I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to support women who may be experiencing signs/symptoms of PPD (postpartum depression), and who've been told to allow their babies to cry so that they may feel better. Here's my issue:

"Normal" infants wake up frequently in the night. This is a fact of life, which extends across all species who breastfeed their offspring. Frequent night waking is NOT a problem.

Depression is multi-faceted, and a "quick fix" is not the answer. The answer is more support for new mothers, more education on gentle baby care, and realistic expectations of what it means to be a new mother

CIO is harmful to parent-child relationships. Please read Annie's post over at PhD in Parenting. This is not just an opinion - it has been proven with high-quality research

CIO works (sometimes) in the short term, but many babies will go back to night waking after any small changes, such as teething, sickness or travel.

CIO can create more depression and anxiety for mothers, as it forces them to ignore their infants' needs and deny their own feelings/desires - mothers are designed to respond to their crying infants.

CIO can lead to mental health issues later in life, as it raises cortisol levels, which remain high long after the CIO has been completed. So if you're depressed, wouldn't it make sense to respond to your baby, in the hopes of warding off the development of your child's own mental health issue?

There are other ways to get more sleep. This goes back to my "more support" point. New moms need to spend their entire first months focusing on resting and recovering from birth. Other cultures seem to get this idea - our culture praises the mom who jumps out of bed and loses 20lbs in 2 weeks.

If you are a new mom struggling with postpartum life, you will be bombarded with advice from parents, in-laws, doctors and websites, all telling you to put your child down and "fix" yourself by getting a better night's sleep.

Only you can make the best choice for your family, but I strongly believe that COI is not a long-term solution for depression. My blog post on PPD touches on some of the things you can do to get help, and resources here in Ottawa.

I'll finish by quoting Annie here, who says:

"Rates of depression are skyrocketing. Violent and senseless crimes are on the rise. As human beings, we need to spend more time being there for each other, showing compassion, nurturing our children. Learning that you can’t count on your parents to be there when you need them is a tough lesson to learn that early in life and can be a root of many of the social problems we are facing today. I want to give my kids every chance possible of escaping depression and staying away from violence. And I’m convinced that nurturing them and responding to their needs at night, as I do during the day, is the first step in the right direction."

{Ottawa Doula} Preventing Disordered Eating in Your Kids

2012-01-04T07:44:00.000-08:00

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PhD in Parenting's recent blog post on buildilng a healthy relationship between toddlers and food has got me thinking more about how to prevent disordered eating patterns in my own family.

Having worked for two years with a non-profit that supports individuals with eating disorders, you would think that I'm an "expert" on these issues - that I always do the right thing with my child.

HA!

Like most parents, I know, intellectually, what I must do to create a healthy relationship with food, but my behaviour says otherwise.

Join me for a moment, and raise your hand if:

1) You keep a scale in your house. Do you weigh yourself every day?

2) You often say "god, I look terrible in this skirt" or "I need to lose a few pounds" or "take a look at this buddha belly!!"

3) You live a black-and-white kind of life. Yesterday, you ate cookies, ice cream and enjoyed your glass of red wine. Today, you've sworn off sugar entirely, committeed to never drinking coffee again, and claim that alcohol is a sin.

4) You label foods - "oh, honey, that cookie is really bad for you. Why don't we find something good, like an apple?" Bad vs. Good.

5) You're always on a diet. Or a cleanse. And then you're "off" again.

6) You deal with your emotions by clamming up, or acting out.

7) You either overexercise (pushing yourself to the limit, just in the name of weight loss) or you don't exercise at all, because you feel "weak."

8) You shovel your food in, never really enjoying its flavour. Mealtimes are stressful, and you become anxious when your child won't eat.

If you raised your hand to some of these, you most likely suffer from disordered eating. But before you panic over my (totally unprofessional) diagnosis of your condition, remember that probably 90% of our society is a disordered eater. You're not alone.

The good news is that disordered eating is entirely preventable. Sure, genetics plays a role, especially in more serious forms of disordered eating (anorexia and bulimia). Research has shown that anorexia has a strong genetic component, whereas bulimia and binge eating have strong links with our culture (which is why rates of anxorexia remain stable over time, and rates of bulimia and binge eating have skyrocketed over the past 20 years - because of our increasing focus on weight and food)

The answer would be to stop doing all of the things I listed above, but we know that this is easier said than done.

So the first question to ask yourself is: how much of a problem is this for me? All forms of eating disorders reside on a spectrum, from mild to severe. If you find that your life is consumed by food and weight issues, I strongly urge you to seek the help of a therapist. There are many good therapists here in Ottawa.

If, like me, your relationship to food is generally healthy but you know that there is room for improvement, consider some of these tips on preventing disordered eating. The important ones include:

- getting rid of the scale. Seriously....throw it out the window, or smash it to bits!!

- stop labelling your food. There no longer exists "junk" food and "health" food. All food is food.

- down with diets!!! What kind of message are you sending to your child when the rest of the family gets to enjoy a cookie, but you're "not allowed."

- enjoy gentle exercise that involves your children. Go for hikes, play sports, or just get outside to the playground!

- teach your child to think critically. When they point to the poster of the half-naked lady at La Senza, ask them "does that look like a real woman? Why do you think the store wants to put up pictures like that?"

- teach acceptance. If you are ridiculing a friend or family member for being a "porker," your child will grow up to have similar attitudes towards people who are a bigger size.

- make mealtimes stress free. No phones, no TV's and no discussions about food. Choose topics to discuss and stimulate interesting conversation. Promote mindful eating - chew your food slowly and carefully, and allow yourself to quietly savour the taste.

Over the next few months, begin by implementing one of the tips above. Then move on to the next. Explore how hard it is to change your behaviour, and reward yourself for small changes (eg. you can't throw out the scale, but you stop stepping on it every day).

In parenting through the early years, you have complete control (perhaps not the best word....influence?) over your child's food and relationship to food. You can establish healthy patterns that will last a lifetime. Sure, peers will have an influence later on, as well as genetics. But your kids will never forget your words and actions, and their childhood memories will be strongly tied to their experiences at the dinner table.

Be conscious, and tread carefully.

Oh, the Joy!

2012-01-02T10:59:00.000-08:00

Although many of us "mommy bloggers" find it cathartic to write about our challenging experiences raising children, the joyful posts are also necessary.

Aylen's first gymnastics class was a huge hit:

Getting her post-workout stamps

What a face!

Just hangin' around

Certificate of completion

{Ottawa Doula} Reflecting on One Year

2011-12-31T09:43:00.000-08:00

One year ago, I attended my first birth as a doula. I remember excitedly packing my bag, rushing over to my client's house, and then finding my "groove" as a support person. I remember trying to please the midwives and nurses, and trying to stay awake, despite my client's insistence that I get some rest (first lesson learned: when there is time for sleep, take it!!)

In 2011 I served over 20 clients, from all different walks of life. Some births, I have felt extremely confident, knowing I have made a positive difference. At other births, I have felt a sense of failure, both real and imagined. Not surprisingly, the failures hurt the most, and remain forefront in my mind.

There are many lessons I've learned, and some I have written about here.

What I have been reflecting the most on this past week are the struggles I have with the business side of doula work. The fact that I must have an attractive website; an interactive Facebook Page; and a number of followers on Twitter. I must be constantly "on the ball," answering emails within 24 hours, and looking/feeling my best at interviews. Despite all the stipulations in the contract I hand out to potential clients, I have, on occasion, found myself failing to meet my obligations and/or clients failing to meet their obligations. We are all human, and having something written down doesn't just "make it so."

Doula clients pay me money to serve them, and for all the benefits of paid service, it sometimes puts me in an awkward position. If my family could afford it, doula work would probably become a hobby of mine - something I might do without fees for friends, and friends of friends.

So for fellow doulas and other small business owners out there, here are some tips and tidbits I've learned along the way:

1) Surround yourself with like-minded people. Join business groups, network with fellow doulas, and find someone to mentor you. You would be surprised at how much you'll learn from others.

2) Don't get catty - small cities (like Ottawa) and niche-businesses are notorious breeding grounds for gossip and naysayers. Who cares what other people do or don't do? As long as you know your own values and try to abide by them, then the actions of others are not your concern (that said, we doulas do become concerned when someone is not representing us in the best way at our local hospitals! It kind of gives us a bad reputation)

3) The business side DOES matter. Yes, as doulas we must be emotionally supportive, creative and active listeners. But that doesn't mean we can afford to ignore the important things - answering emails on time, following up as much as possible, and being extremely clear about our limits. Transparency is best! This is my area of weakness, and one of my goals is to improve in 2012.

4) Record, record, record. It's so easy to just mosey-on along without properly documenting invoices, amounts paid/owed, and receipts. You will pay for it when tax time rolls around!

5) Have a social media plan. My friend, Lara Wellman, has some great services for folks hoping to enter the world of social media. Decide how much time you want to spend on social media, and then stick to it. Maybe you can only manage one half-hour per day - if you sit down and plan your posts/tweets for a whole month in advance, you will most likely meet you goal!

6) Try, try again. You will make mistakes - guaranteed. There will be guilt and tears. The important thing to do is pick yourself back up, and learn from the mistake. In our business, communication is key. It is miscommunication that usually leads to problems, so focus on being as clear as a bell. And practice makes perfect, of course!

To all my fellow small business owners, have a happy and fruitful 2012!

Scatterbrained {New Year's Resolutions}

2011-12-30T06:59:00.000-08:00

While everyone else vows to eat and drink less, exercise more, and lose those last 10 lbs, I'm wondering how to resolve to be less scatterbrained. Not a very exciting resolution, I know.

I'm a big picture kind of person. Show me a room that's been redecorated, and I couldn't tell you what was there before. But, I will get a "feel" for the room and decide whether it's to my taste or not (modern, cool, funky, comfy....) I focus on overall feelings and emotions, as opposed to tiny details. The details bore me, frankly.

But this makes for tricky business when I live in a world where people demand preciseness. A big picture person has a tough time following schedules, setting deadlines and often gets caught up in procrastination.

Is it because I don't care about achieving goals and "getting things done"? No, of course not! I just forget...a lot. I forget about appointments I've made, I forget to ask my friend about something important that has happened in her life, and I always, always forget people's names. My head is in the clouds so often that I have a hard time coming down to earth. When I do, I look around in surprise, as though to say "wow, is this what things are really like?"

I've tried to mend my ways. I've posted a massive calendar on our kitchen wall, detailing every appointment, birth and activity coming up. I enter appointments and birthdays into my Blackberry so that the little reminder message will ding me. I try to get my husband to remind me to complete tasks I've started.

And I STILL seem to miss things.

I don't really have an answer to my dilemma, and sometimes wonder whether I'm just not a great fit for the modern world. If I lived in the 1800's, I think I would have been perfectly happy living a Lizzy kind of life (a.k.a Elizabeth, from Pride and Prejudice). Spending my days playing piano, going for walks, and writing in my journal. Oh, and daydreaming, of course. But I'm sure many of those women were bored to tears, and I don't really wish to live in a patriarchal society.

So with a big sigh, I pledge to try to do better in 2012; to try to find little ways to gently bring myself back to this earth - with all its appointments, rushed schedules and full inboxes. If there are any organizational gurus out there reading my blog, send me your favourite tips in the comment box below!

Happy New Year!

Merry Belated Christmas

2011-12-29T11:26:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to do this on Christmas day, but you forgive me....right?

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Dear Santa: My Letter to the Big Guy

2011-12-15T05:31:00.000-08:00

Dearest Santa Claus,

When I was 12, I asked you to bring me an Ouija Board....and you did. Thank you for all of those terrifying nights spent with my girlfriends, contacting the dearly departed and causing the heads to break off of our parent's cherub angel figurine.

When I was 14, I asked you to bring me Blue Rodeo's Five Days in July CD....and you did. Thank you for allowing me to hear the most beautiful song in the world - Dark Angel. To this day, whenever I am sad, I only need to listen to this song to be lifted up (listen here).

When I was 24, I asked you to help me through a difficult time...and you did. 25 came, and I conquered my fears and moved on with my life.

When I was 28, I asked you to give me strength, and help me know how to raise a child we hadn't planned for. And you did...our little girl seems so grown up this Christmas, and we're feeling like proud parents who finally know what they're doing (sort of).

This year I'm 31. Life seems somehow more hectic and more stable, all at once. So what do I want for Christmas this year?

I've realized that wishing for world peace won't make it happen. I've realized that wishing for the Canadian Government to honour our Kyoto commitments won't happen. I've realized that wishing for our healthcare system to catch up to the research is going to take some time. And I've realized that I can't save everybody - that there will always be suffering in the world.

So I'm asking for something really simple this year. It's not too hard...a little moisture in the air. A temperature below 0 degrees Celsius....and a BIG, HUGE DUMP OF SNOW. I'm talking like 50cm. Preferably before Christmas Eve day; before my family travels all this way to visit us.

That's all I want for Christmas this year Santa Claus....can you help me?

Love,
Misty

{Ottawa Doula} Can I Check My Own Cervix?

2011-12-14T12:52:00.000-08:00

I have a habit of writing posts on issues that are somewhat counterculture...I can't help it! I love learning about things that are not mainstream, especially when it comes to women's health. So read on, but be warned....this may not appeal to you :)

If your care provider is a doctor or an OB, there is no way of knowing how dilated you might be without heading into the hospital and getting a cervical exam. If you have a midwife, they will often come to your home and do a check, which will tell you if it's time to head into the hospital or not.

I would first like to point out that dilation is not the primary indicator that labour is progressing. Penny Simkin (my doula guru) teaches that there are 6 ways to progress in labour:

1) The cervix moves forward - it faces your birth canal, instead of your bum!

2) The cervix softens and gets squishy

3) The cervix thins (effacement, in %)

4) The cervix dilates (from 1-10 cm)

4) The baby moves down the birth canal (station, from -4 to +4)

5) The baby rotates

For a lot of women, long early labours (24+ hours) are doing a number of things - the cervix is moving forward, softening and effacing. Dilation may happen during this time, but it's common for effacement to take place to a greater degree. So women arrive at the hospital, find out they're 3-4cm, and feel extremely disappointed. But if effacement is 90-100% then dilation can occur rapidly after this point. Or, if baby's head is sitting very low (say, +2 station), then the pressure may spontaneously break your waters, and you are soon pushing!

However, it's also possible that you may find yourself at 2cm, with little effacement. You then receive the disappointing news - they're sending you home.

So clients often ask me: how do you know when it's time to go to the hospital?

Personally, I like to confer with astrological charts and assess my client's aura for signs....

....kidding! But sometimes I am definitely unsure as to whether my client is dilated enough, and find myself holding my breath during the exam. There are plenty of signs, but women's bodies can sometimes mimic active labour when they are in early labour.

So during prenatal appointments, I half-jokingly inform them that some women check their own cervix at home. I'm generally met with nervous laughter (they're probably wondering whether they hired the doula who does use astrological charting and auras), but I secretly hope that one day, someone will take me up on the suggestion.

Because, let's be real....this is your body we're talking about. When you get to the hospital in labour, many different people repeatedly stick their fingers inside your vagina. Yes they wear gloves, but like condoms, there's no 100% guaranteed protection. Personally, I like the idea of using my own bacteria-ridden hands to do the job. But clearly this is a very personal choice, and who knows whether I'll actually do it myself if I'm ever in labour again!

For interest's sake, I thought I would provide some guidance on how to check your cervix....if you so wish! It might be a good idea to check your cervix once or twice during pregnany, just to get a sense of how it feels during non-labour (also, some women are dilated 1 or 2cm throughout their entire pregnancies):

Wash your hands well with warm, soapy water. Make sure your nails are clipped - nicking yourself on the cervix would not be pleasant during labour. You also need to be sure you're not going to break your bag of waters by accident
In between a contraction (please don't do this during a contraction), have your partner or doula help you get into a squatting position
Insert your middle finger into your vagina, and go all the way back until you run into the cervix.
When you're not in labour, the cervix will feel "tough"....probably as tough or hard as your forehead feels. As things start getting softer, it will kind of feel like the tip of your nose. Once your cervix is very soft, it will feel like your lips
When you're not in labour (and not ovulating), your cervix looks and feels like a puckered kiss. If you are 1cm dilated, you will be able to slip your finger into the cervix (through the puckered kiss!) Basically, the more fingers you can get in there, the more dilated you are. Most nurses will insert 2 fingers, and then will stretch them out to see how wide the cervix is stretched out (keep in mind though, if you're manually stretching your cervix, it's gonna hurt! This is not a good idea - just stretch them out as far as you think the cervix is stretched)
Once your fingers are in the cervix, you will feel the bag of waters. If you press on the bag, you'll feel a hard head. If your bag has broken, you'll obviously just run into your baby's head at some point.

Given that checking dilation is an art (and takes some practice), keep in mind that you may be off by 1 or 2 centimetres. But, if you definitely feel some dilation (for example, 2 fingers are inserted and stretch out a bit), AND the cervix feels very soft and thin, you can be pretty sure that you're in active labour. Especially if you're also exhibiting other signs of "labourland."

Bottom line - if labouring at home for a long time is really important to you, consider learning how to check your cervix. You may save yourself a wasted trip to the hospital.

{Ottawa Doula} Growing

2011-12-12T12:47:00.000-08:00

{I'm joining **Capital Mom** today by blogging about a moment from my life based on a theme she has provided. This week’s Monday Moment theme is Growing}

The orchid I was given as a present last year by one of my first doula clients seems to have stopped growing. Where once there was a magical wand of blossoms now remains a long stem, withered and dried brown at the tip.

People keep asking if it's dead.

There are subtle hints that something is still alive in there - the dark, solid green leaves haven't changed. New sprouts have poked through the mossy dirt and made their way up to greet the weak sunlight.

I'm confident that the flowers will emerge once again, greeting me in their quirky way - like the wink of an eye.

I feel at one with my orchid - I lie dormant, anticipating the deep swaths of snow to fall down like a heavy blanket; burying my energy and drive to "go, go, go." I welcome the coziness of this blanket, and the deep sleep of a cold winter's night.

Codladh samh (Sleep Well)

{Ottawa Doula} A World Without Coffee

2011-12-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

Image Source

I was in a big rush, as usual. It was 8:50am, and I was determined to get my morning coffee at Starbucks, a 10 minute walk from the main campus of The Ottawa Hospital - despite having a meeting at 9am. Cafeteria coffee sucks, and Tim Horton's has long lineups. Plus, the walking does me good.

As I waited to use the creamer machine, a man ahead of me was dumping an enormous amount of cream into his coffee. My first reaction was judgemental ("who puts that much cream in their coffee?") and my next reaction was impatience ("would he hurry up already!")

Before I could set my coffee down on the counter, he hurried to get some napkins and clean up a spill he had made. He apologized. As we stirred our coffees simultaneously, he joked about how the Canadian government would fall if our country suddenly ran out of coffee. This made me chuckle - I could just imagine it now: rioting and looting, people shaking and crying in the streets. Caffeine withdrawal is a messy thing.

"The thing I can't understand," he said, "is why all you Canadians - with your fancy machines, and recently purchased coffee - leave your homes every morning to stand in lineups at Tim Horton's."

"Where are you from?" I asked.

"Zimbabwe" he replied.

He introduced himself as Paul from Africa. We stood and talked for a moment, and I learned that he had been a doctor in Zimbabwe, and came to Canada as a refugee 8 years ago. He's still trying to practice as a doctor here. He works at CHEO (Children's Hospital in Eastern Ontario), alongside men and women as qualified he is. But instead of picking up the tools of the trade and saving lives, his work includes menial tasks that could be done by someone with a high school diploma.

"What astonishes me the most," he said, "is the beautiful posters the Canadian government uses to attract skilled people like us to move to your country. They make it seem easy."

Eight years doesn't sound very easy.

We said our goodbyes, and I was on my way, hurrying again to get to my meeting. I was late...but you know what? I didn't even care.

Today as I sip my homemade coffee, I suddenly feel a sense of shame. We live in (supposedly) one of the greatest countries in the world, and yet Paul can't work as a doctor and up North, children are dying from a lack of proper health care.

A world without coffee? Good! Let the government fall, and replace it with people who know what they're doing.

Love Doesn't Leave You Black and Blue

2011-12-05T17:02:00.000-08:00

National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women is December 6th, and commemorates the 14 women killed at l'Ecole Polythechnique in Montreal in 1989. The CBC archives from that day are chilling to listen to and watch.

Not only is this a day to remember the horrible events of 1989, but it is also a day to recognize the fact that violence against women is taking place here and now, often behind closed doors and away from the media's glare. It is a day to recognize and take action; to work towards prevention and education.

I'd like to share a song with you - a song that has always touched me, and leaves me thinking about the women experiencing abuse in their relationships. This is by Lynn Miles, Ottawa's favourite singer/songwriter...

{Ottawa Doula}: In Postpartum, What's Normal?

2011-12-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

I wish I'd never done this.

I want to turn back the clock - go back to a time when I wasn't pregnant.

I don't think I love my baby.

I secretly hope my baby dies so that I don't have to take care of them.

If I were to die, I would rather my baby died with me.

Do these thoughts sound "normal" to you? I think a lot of people reading this would say no.

A woman harbouring these secret thoughts can feel terrified - she realizes that some of them are irrational, but that others are somewhat true (eg. I don't think I love my baby). And so she buttons up, and instead of talking about thoughts that are actually normal she instead feels like an outsider in a community of happy new mommies.

We hear a lot about postpartum depression (PPD) these days. Postpartum psychosis (PPS), a rare manifestation of PPD, is sensationalized in news stories, making it seem as though this kind of situation can happen to anyone.

And so we binarize postpartum emotions into three camps: normal baby blues, PPD and PPS. Baby blues happen to most people, and are a result of massive hormonal changes in the days following birth. PPD is characterized by a continuation of the baby blues, long past the accepted "normal" (usually 2-3 weeks postpartum). And PPS is an extreme form of PPD, where a woman loses touch with reality and may actually plan (and carry out) ways of harming herself and her baby.

But when has a woman crossed the line? Or are they blurred anyway, given that nothing in our emotional lives can be put into boxes?

I'll tell you this - many women with normal baby blues are harbouring secret thoughts that have never been expressed to a single person; not even to a partner. It's taboo to talk about death and desperation in our society - even well trained counsellors can botch a session with a client who expresses the desire to kill herself, either by overreacting (oh my god, you should have told me this earlier - I may have to report you, you know) or by dismissing the client's thoughts (that's ridiculous, you can't kill yourself. You have a baby to look after. You need to snap out of this.)

We want new mothers to be happy - to be like the sweet Pamper's commercials on TV. Lots of smiles, one-on-one time and cuddles with baby, and lots of cooing and ahhhing.

The reality is, postpartum life can be messy (I stress can be, because some women have a wonderful postpartum time). Your bed is sweat stained from postpartum sweats; milk is leaking out everywhere and soaking your sheets; your eyes feel like sandpaper from lack of sleep; and your baby is not cute and cuddly, but instead screams 5 hours a day.

It's no wonder some species eat their young...

I know, I know, I'll probably get a lot of feedback from people, telling me that I shouldn't be trivializing these types of thoughts - that any feeling of harming oneself and one's baby needs to be taken seriously.

And I completely agree. I hope I don't come across as trivializing a complex problem. Certainly, it's worth a trip to a trusted doctor, or several sessions with a counsellor. Especially when thoughts and emotions carry on past the "normal" timeframe we're alloted to be sad {insert sarcasm}.

My goal is not to trivialize, but to normalize. To say to new moms, living in a society where we have almost zero support in the postpartum period, that it's ok. It's ok to feel crazy.

What's not OK is when your thoughts and emotions take over - becoming real, rational plans for action. A way out. It's not OK to still be crying daily one month postpartum. It's not OK to have zero interest in your baby after spending many weeks with your child. The good news is that there's a lot of help out there - websites and forums abound, and Ottawa has an amazing MOMS (which I believe stands for Moms Offering Moms Support) group where you can go to talk about these unspeakable things.

But what if we changed our definition of normal, so that women could say the unspeakable without judgement? So that they didn't have to join a secret society of other moms just to say what they really think?

If I could really fantasize here, a world in which women were treated like royalty after the birth of their baby would be ideal. Then maybe these "crazy" thoughts wouldn't even enter our heads...

If you're about to enter the world of parenthood, consider these helpful tips for dealing with intense emotions after birth:

1) Have only sympathetic and helpful people stay with you in the postpartum weeks; people that share your views on newborn care. An abrasive in-law, who can't understand why you're hoping to breastfeed (for example), may not be the best choice.

2) Hire a Postpartum Doula - these are doulas who are specially trained to care for women in the postpartum period. It is definitely worth every penny. For Ottawa folks, check this doula and this doula out.

3) We hear a lot about "babymoons" - staying snug at home with your baby and partner. This is great for women adjusting well to postpartum life, but when you're experiencing baby blues, sometimes a sense of normality is what you need. Go for short walks, rent your favourite DVDs, and invite friends to come over for short visits. Don't isolate yourself!

4) Ask for help - the hardest one of all. It takes a village to raise a child, and you alone are not a village. Let people know you're struggling, and ask how they might help - dropping by a homemade meal? Sending you a care package with chocolate and epsom salts? Texting you positive affirmations every day? It can be anything!

{Ottawa Doula} Swimming Upstream: Vaginal Birth after Two Cesareans

2011-11-30T18:26:00.000-08:00

I have been immersed in a dilemma lately - not my own personal dilemma, but one of my client's.

This woman would like to attempt a vaginal birth after two cesareans. We hear A LOT of information out there about VBAC (pronounced v-back) after one cesarean, and most doctors and midwives would agree that it is a safer choice than scheduling a repeat cesarean (as long as you meet the "qualifications" - no ongoing medical problem where another c-section would make sense, and a low, transverse incision).

The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (who issued the report I linked to above) also agree that a Trial of Labour (TOL) for a woman with two or more cesareans is a viable option. The risks of uterine rupture are higher, but variable. Studies differ in their methods and conclusions, and "risk" is communicated to patients in different ways.

For example, read this statement, as stated by my client's doctors (the numbers are not accurate here - this is just to illustrate how they have portrayed risk):

Your risk of uterine rupture triples after 2 cesarean sections. In all the cases of uterine rupture I've seen, the baby has ended up with cerebral palsy.

Now, read these statements, as a properly conducted study may present them:

Women who attempt TOL after 2 cesarean sections have a 1.9% risk of uterine rupture. Of these, only 0.06% experience a complete rupture (where the baby actually enters the abdominal cavity).

1 in 6000 women who attempt TOL after multiple cesareans experience uterine rupture.

The first one sounds a lot worse, doesn't it? If you're trying to scare a woman into scheduling a c-section, the first statement packs a lot more oomph.

OBs who have personally witnessed a uterine rupture are much more likely to inflate the risks, because their perception of risk has changed. It's no longer a magic number (eg. 0.5% of women who attempt a TOL after one cesarean section risk a uterine rupture), and instead the one case they've seen colours the way in which they treat all future patients.

To make matters worse, there are no doctors here in Ottawa (at least none I have come across) who support a woman desiring a TOL after multiple cesareans. My client has been continually hassled about her decision, and with each prenatal appointment she attends, a new resident provides more scary stories. No one seems to talk about the risks associated with another cesarean section, which I find interesting.

When you want to do something that goes against the grain, and no one in your community is willing to support you, what should you do?

1) Remember that as a patient, you have rights. You have the right to refuse interventions and treatments offered. You have the right to informed consent.

2) Become armed with research. Doctors are busy people, and often don't have time to stay abreast of new research. Do your own looking around, and begin compiling all the papers that support your decision. Bring them with you to every prenatal appt., as you'll often be seeing many different doctors and residents.

3) Yes, the health of you and your baby is important. But so is your experience, and oftentimes, doctors will play the "healthy mommy, healthy baby" card, in order to dissuade you from your desire for a positive birth experience. Seek the help of a professional (social work, counsellor, or doula) who can look at the benefits/risks objectively with you, and help you come to the right decision.

4) Did I say that health was important? You betcha! If you're desiring a VBAC (or VBA2C), you best be sure that you're eating really well (see a nutritionist or naturopath for help), exercising every day (gentle exercise such as walking, swimming or yoga) and reducing stress (do some yoga and you'll check two things off your list!). Many women also seek treatment from alternative health practitioners, such as acupuncturists, homeopaths and chiropractors.

5) Read the positive stories. There are women all over the world who have tried and successfully had a VBA2C (I've even read of a VBA4C!!)

Bottom line: if you're taking the plunge, first make sure you know how to swim. Oh...and a little faith goes a long way. Faith in yourself, your body, and your ability to do something that others think is impossible.

Share your story below of something you have accomplished when others tried to tell you it was impossible.

T'was the Night Before December...

2011-11-27T18:08:00.000-08:00

Celebrating Christmas in November truly rocks. You haven't yet gorged on sweets at the countless parties and potlucks you will be attending. You're not tired of consumerism and holiday "spend-spend-spend" mode.

The reindeer are wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, gearing up for the big day.

And best of all, your family still seems awesome to you; before the typical holiday descent into chaos, with drunk Uncle Charlie singing to the neighborhood cats.

I could get used to this....

{Ottawa Doula} Fancy Free

2011-11-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

The weekend was a long but joyful one, after welcoming a beautiful babe in the world after a marathon birth.

Doulas call births "marathons" when they require a full night, PLUS! These are the 24+ doozies that sock you a good one. Today has been my "hangover" day (another term we doulas use), when it feels very much like you drank 2 bottles of wine before hitting the hay.

In other news, the little birdies here at The Tweet are taking a bit of a vacation. An unexpected break between now and my next client has provided a window of opportunity - a chance to head to Toronto for a few days to visit with family and friends. We will then make our way further west to the little town of St. Thomas, ON, where we will celebrate an early Christmas with more family.

I fully expect to be immersed in this one-on-one time with my child and my loved ones, so you may not hear from me for a little while. However, if inspiration hits, a computer is never too far away.

Let it be.

So that I take what I know,

And see what I see

Along this path I want to be,

Full of joy and totally at ease

Breathing now, and fancy free.

Getting Old is a Bitch

2011-11-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

I'm observing the poor dog that we're doggy-sitting at the moment. He's 16 years old, and currently has vertigo - that crazy syndrome where you lose your internal sense of gravity. It's like you've walked off that twirly ride at the fair and the world won't stop spinning.

Taking care of the ol' man/dog is forcing me to reflect more on my own ageing. I know, I know, I'm only 31 and in the eyes of many of my friends, "a spring chicken." But 31 is still 31, and time marches on incessantly while I scramble to pick up toys, clean paint off the wall, and stare blurry-eyed at my credit card bill.

What was your favourite age? Mine was 14 - it was a time where I had past the awkward pre-teen years, but still hadn't reached the annoying "I know everything" young adult years. I was still innocent in the ways of the world, had my future stretched out before me, and finally felt like I could just be me.

I am now me, but a whole different me, with a whole lot of expectations. And instead of seeing life stretched out before me, I see a lot of roadblocks and potholes.

We're supposed to get wiser as we age; perhaps gain more insight and calm down a little bit.

But with mortgages, babies, toddlers, jobs, and god knows what else, don't we just become more insane as the years go by? Strip away all these things we have collected and restrictions we have imposed on ourselves, and what are we left with?

A very existential conversation, I know, but an imperative one.

Because, really, I think I'd rather be the calm, wise gal than the cranky bitch who walks through the world as though she just stepped off the twirly ride. Any thoughts from the wise of the world on how to get there?

Honey, Mommy is a Nerd

2011-11-15T07:57:00.000-08:00

It's amazing when we hear our children repeat the things we say. Not only is it amazing because these little bundles of joy are learning a language and growing up, but it's also amazing because we see ourselves reflected so clearly in their words.

For instance, I've noticed that I yell at the dog a lot. I know this because A. speaks to the dog in a mean tone of voice, with lots of "Sit!" "Off!" "Get!" in her vocabulary.

I'm trying to reform. Speak to my dog with more respect.

The other thing I've noticed about my language is that....well....I'm a bit of a nerd. Here's just a sample of some of the phrases that A. has picked up from me:

Cool, dude!

Awesome!

Oh my goodness gracious!

Gosh!

Gee Wiz! (ok, I'm kidding about this one...really)

My poor daughter. I have committed her to a life of "gee willy wonkers" turns-of-phrase. Will she ever find friends?

I've decided to commit to speaking in a way that is more "hip." Maybe I'll start swearing and drop some f-bombs around the house.

What funny phrases has your child picked up?

{Ottawa Doula} What to do when you're afraid of birth

2011-11-10T05:28:00.000-08:00

After posting about the NHS's plans to offer c-sections for free in the UK, I have noticed an increase in traffic from people googling "scared of birth, should I have a c-section."

This has really touched me, and I wish there was some way I could reach out to these women and give them a hug. So here's my way - a blog post!

Preparing for birth can be a scary and overwhelming experience. I remember coming home from my first prenatal class, curling up into a ball and having a huge cry. The reality of what I was about to face hit me over the head like a ton of bricks, and I didn't know how to deal with the fear.

I studied for birth like it was a PhD comprehensive exam. When I would hear about other women's wonderful birth stories, I would suddenly become fearful - what if that doesn't happen to me? What if I can't do it? What if it all turns out "bad"?

The thing I've come to realize as a doula is that a woman who is well prepared, and well supported, can have a positive experience regardless of the outcome. Happy birth stories can happen in any hospital, with any care provider, as long as the woman feels like the director of her own experience.

Here are some information and tips for women out there who are scared of birth and considering a c-section instead:

1) What are your specific fears? There are most likely 2 or 3 things that you are dreading - for some women, it's the pain; for others, it's the possibility of a tear; others fear things like vomiting, being naked, or losing control (by making too much noise, fainting, or doing other "crazy" things)

2) Write out a plan of how you will deal with this fear if it does happen. Visualize it happening, and then visualize yourself dealing with the situation. Talk to someone about your fears, and have them work through them with you.

3) Hire a doula. Your husband can not be your "everything" and he will be scared as well. Most likely he has his own set of fears. If you can't afford a doula, ask for a friend or family member who has given birth (and who has a positive birth story to tell) to support you.

4) Make sure you have a good caregiver. You all know my thoughts on midwifery care. There is no one better equipped than a midwife to calm your fears.

5) Take a GOOD prenatal class. The classes offered at the hospital are usually biased and extremely boring. Look around for prenatal educators in your community who offer alternative classes. Here are a few great ones in Ottawa:

Ottawa Childbirth Education Association http://www.ottawacea.com/

Birthing From Within Classes http://primadoulas.ca/?page_id=22

Bradley Method http://www.healthy-beginnings.ca/

It's worth the money - another option is to hire a doula who is a childbirth educator, and ask her for some one-on-one classes in addition to your prenatal appointments.

Any other tips or thoughts out there for women who are afriad of birth?

Intention

2011-11-08T12:34:00.000-08:00

I had a chat with a very wise friend today, who reminded me that if I continually say "I can't do it," then clearly, I never WILL do it.

Some of you may find books like "The Secret" to be filled with a bunch of Oprah-like gobbly-gook, but it's interesting to observe that the people who truly believe in the power of intention tend to be happy and successful.

If you look back on your life, you are bound to remember people who had a hand in changing the direction in which you were headed. These could have been the "bad" people (an abhorrent co-worker, a loser boyfriend, or a friend who betrayed you), or the "good" people (an inspiring teacher, a mentor, or a business partner). Regardless of whether they were good or bad in your eyes, you learned a big lesson from them, and then moved on.

Without these serendipitous encounters, we wouldn't be the people we are today.

Which comes back to main point of books like "The Secret." In order to fulfill lifelong dreams, you must have both intention to do so, and the right people around you. You can pray, meditate, and visualize all you want, but if you've got some bum hitching a ride with you along the path of life, you're bound to get distracted and have a horrible crash. (And in case you're getting worried, I'm not alluding to my partner-in-life here - this could be anyone; co-workers, friends, partners/husbands, and even other family members.)

Personally, I think I'm doing a good job of surrounding myself with positive and compassionate people.

Where I'm falling short is in the "intention" department. The think, pray, feel and believe part of where my life is headed. Instead, I'm doing what is safe - financially and emotionally.

Image Source

One goal I have as we finish up the end of 2011 is to create a vision board - simply, a big piece of paper (well, you really need stronger cardboard) where you creatively lay out your life goals. These vision boards can be short or long-term. They can be focused on a particular area of your life (e.g. business) and can be as simple or complicated as you make them. I'm hoping my vision board will help me get over my fears and closer to my dreams.

What are your visions or dreams, and how do you make sure you get there?

19 more days to go!

2011-11-07T10:37:00.000-08:00

It's November 7th, which marks the 7th day in a row that I've posted on my blog (ok, fine, you caught me - I didn't post yesterday. Sunday is the day of rest.)

I'm participating in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), through BlogHer. I'm not posting my blog posts on BlogHer - even though I have an account that rarely gets used - but I'm attempting to boost creative writing by forcing myself to write. Even when I'm bored, and having nothing interesting to say.

Today is one of those days - normally, I just wouldn't post, because I don't really have any exciting news, links or burning questions to put out into the world.

But writing is an art, and alas, I must practice. Since I have basically dropped all other art forms from my life at the moment, writing is my only outlet, and it's a really important one.

I wrote last week on the topic of self care, and I'll continue along those lines today. I'm still participating in A Peek Inside the Fishbowl's 100Club, and although I can't say I've been doing my jumping jacks every day, I've certainly kept up my walking.

My focus this week is on eating habits. After last week's Halloween candy binge, I began feeling really worn down and sluggish. Not to mention my face is a mess (a post later this week on adult acne - blech!!) So, I'm attempting to change some habits, and although I would like to say "forever," I've decided to be realistic and take it one week at a time.

My three problem areas are:

1) Alcohol: yes, I know there are benefits to having one drink each day. But there are also drawbacks, especially when trying to control blood sugar levels, which I have a devil of a time doing.

2) Sugar: My overall diet is fairly decent, but I do have a sugar problem. I realize that I can't cut sugar out of my life completely (trust me, I've tried), so I'm hoping to cut back...A LOT. This means that I'll be attempting to bake a low-sugar cookie this week, sweetened with maple syrup or honey. Stay tuned for that recipe on Friday!

3) Caffeine: as most of you probably do, I indulge regularly in this ~~crack~~ stuff. It's increased substantially in the past year or so, and I'm now at 2 mugs of black tea and 1 coffee each day. Cutting back is key, as I'm not willing to give up my one mug of morning tea.

Have you been making any lifestyle changes lately! Send me your tips and affirmations!

{Ottawa Doula} Scared of birth? No worries, have a c-section - for free!

2011-11-05T10:24:00.000-07:00

Thanks Laura Hughes (@Lo_Hughes), for sending me this article and inspiring another blog post! :)

I read an interesting piece in The Globe and Mail today, in their online "Hot Button" topics.

Supposedly the country's National Health Service is going to cover the cost of women undergoing c-sections for no "identifiable reason." In other words, elective cesareans.

I'm sure the whole natural birth community will be up in arms over this one. Who knows, it may even increase the cesarean section rate in the UK, which is definitely not good news.

But I wonder whether this is the right response - firing off an angry blog post about women who are "too posh to push" is setting yourself up for a lot of criticism. You may not worry too much about that, but I know I do.

I care about women. All women. And I care about their freedom of choice.

No, personally, I would not have an elective cesarean. And I would hope other women wouldn't make that choice as well - I don't think it's the right one.
But a c-section is an option that is out there, and doctors are all too willing to offer one.

The point of this article, though, was to point out that the NHS will now be covering c-sections. That's a different story, than say, an opinion piece on women being "too posh to push." All of a sudden, the option is open to women who, previously, may not have been able to afford it.

So the question becomes: progress or problem? Is offering cesareans for women who are, for example, deathly afraid of labour/birth OK? What about for women who have been sexually abused? And women who believe the myth that you will never be the same "down there" after a vaginal birth?

The choice is out there, whether we like it or not. And although I strongly feel that the answer to my question above is "problem," I also don't feel comfortable blaming the women themselves for making the wrong choice. I don't know what their situation is in life, and I don't know what issues they face.

Instead of offering cesareans for free, I think the NHS would do better putting their eggs in another basket. Why not begin providing non-baised and supportive prenatal education to all women, for free? Maybe those who harbour extreme fears of birth would be at least better prepared to face the challenges. And what about doula support, for free?

So no, I don't believe this issue is one of "too posh to push." I believe this issue is one of dollars and sense. More dollars, and a load of nonsense.

Aduki Bean Stew

2011-11-04T10:40:00.000-07:00

I may have posted this recipe once before on this blog, but I think it warrants a re-post. This is my "birthing stew" - the recipe I was throwing together during early labour with darling daughter. I actually couldn't finish it because the contractions were getting so strong, but I ate quite a bit of it in the postpartum period.

The Aduki (also spelled Azuki or Adzuki) bean is not a well-known legume - it is most popular in East Asia, and is often boiled down and sweetened into a red bean paste. I could see the Aduki bean becoming as popular as quinoa, for its high levels of B vitamins, iron, zinc and magnesium. All in all, an excellent health food. Also, in the postpartum period, the fibre and iron is excellent for the breastfeeding mom! You can find the beans at the Bulk Barn.

This recipe is from Jillian McKeith's You Are What You Eat cookbook, with some modifications. Try it over quinoa, rice or millet:

1/2 cup aduki beans, presoaked for 12 hours
1tbsp olive oil
1 tsp garlic, minced
1 onion or leek, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
half butternut squash, peeled and cut into small chunks
half teaspoon ground cumin
half teaspoon turmeric powder
3-4 cups veggie stock
handful of kale, ripped into bite-sized pieces
chopped fresh parsley (optional)

Drain the beans and rinse well. Put into a large saucepan of water and bring to a boil. Boil for 15min, and then drain and rinse.

Heat the olive oil up on low heat, and add garlic and onion/leek. Cook until softened. Add carrots, butternut squash, aduki beans and spices. Cook for 2 min. Poor in stock, bring to a boil, and then simmer for 10min. Add kale and simmer for another 5min. Serve with fresh parsley.

Escape

2011-11-03T06:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I could escape.

To a place where no disembodied voices speak to me - no radio, no TV, and no computer.

This place would be quiet, except for the wind and the tinkling of the leaves.

This place would be warm; wood-stove warm.

In this place, I would need to sit - through it all. Sit through the fear, the silence, the sadness and the joyfulness. When I wasn't sitting, I would be walking, concentrating on the strength of my body.

This place would have simple foods, grown and picked by me. Tea in clay mugs would litter the tables and counters.

Books well-worn and dog-eared would be stacked by the bed, and a simple quilt would be my warmth in the evenings.

This place would be my escape.

Where do you want to escape to?

{Ottawa Doula} Midwifery: Fact and Myth

2011-11-02T05:12:00.000-07:00

It's not shocking to me at all how often I come across regular folks who have no clue what a midwife does.

I was there, too.

Before becoming pregnant with my first child, I gave no thought to my care provider. I pictured myself visiting my family doctor and being referred to an obstetrician. It was the fortuitous meeting I had one day with a local midwife that changed the course of my life forever (I guess you could say my pregnancy changed the course of my life forever, but I'm going for dramatic effect here!)

I interviewed this student midwife for a short one-month placement at Hopewell (Ottawa's only eating disorder support centre - as a side note, all midwives are expected to do one community-based placement; women with eating disorders get pregnant too, hence this midwife was particularly interested in this issue) She opened my eyes to the possibility of having a midwife care for me during my pregnancy.

So I would like to share with you some of the things I've learned about midwives, which will dispel some of the myths floating around out there. These tidbits are designed to ~~surreptitiously indoctrinate~~ gently urge you to seek out more information about midwifery care.

You cannot have an OB (or family doc.) and a midwife; you can have one or the other. There are exceptions - some women advocate for "shared care." These are generally women who are higher-risk but would like a compassionate, caring midwife to support them in their medical decisions.
Midwives are highly trained professionals. They have not stumbled out of the forest wearing birkenstocks, and they don't arrive at your birth with a dirty towel and piece of shoestring
Their training program is 4 years long, most of which is hands-on clincial experience
Midwives care for low-risk pregnant women - they will not take on women who clearly need the expertise of an obstetrician.
Midwives DO deliver primarily in hospitals. Yes, they do homebirths as well, but only if you're a good candidate, and only if you actually want to!
Midwives will call in an OB consult if something abnormal comes up during your pregnancy/birth. Often this is just a quick face-to-face with an OB, whereby they give some advice and then you are back in the care of your midwife. Sometimes, transfers of care happen, but most midwives will stay with you and support you throughout.
Midwives are trained to view birth as normal, until proven otherwise (OBs are trained to view birth as abnormal, until proven otherwise)
Midwives discharge you from hospital earlier - which means less time stuck in semi-private rooms with other crying babies (and maybe even crying mommies).
Midwives visit you at home in the postpartum period. AT HOME....like, on your couch!! I can't stress enough how amazing this is.
A midwifery appt is usually 30min long, and allows for lots of discussion time. It's casual, and you get to meet with both your primary midwife (many times) and your secondary midwife (several times). An OB appt is 15min long, and if you go to the Ottawa Hospital, you will most likely never see your OB. You'll see a different resident each time.
A midwife catches your baby. An OB "delivers" your baby (like a pizza), and they will arrive in the room when the head is crowning.
Midwives have signicantly better outcomes than OBs - lower rates of intervention (e.g. episiotomy) and lower c-section rates
Midwives practice informed decision making and informed consent. That means, every single little thing that happens during your pregnancy/birth is discussed beforehand, and you always have the right to refuse. Hospitals claim they practice these things too, but it's variable.

There are probably many more points I could add, but I hope this dispels some of the myths you have been hearing about midwives here in Ontario. As you may have read from my last post, there is a big push for more midwifery care here in Ontario. A birth attended by a midwife costs less than one attended by a family doctor, and significantly less than one attended by an OB.

We are now headed in a direction where soon, most low-risk pregnancies will be followed by midwives. It may not happen next year, but certainly in the next ten years. It just makes sense.

If you've had the care of a midwife, please share your story below! What was your experience like?

We Care!

2011-11-01T12:33:00.000-07:00

The Boston Globe Magazine published a piece today, written by an obstetrician in the US.

C-section rates are highly variable, as the article points out. Some hospitals with different policies and procedures, and better support for OBs, have lower rates. Other hospitals skyrocket past the national average.

Here in Canada, our average rate is around 25%. Ottawa's cesarean section rate is higher - over 30%

There are some key points I'd like to highlight from the article:

According to this doctor/author, many obstetricians just "don't care" about cesarean section rates
There are multiple factors that influence rates. Here are just a few:
hospital policy (does the hospital administration care about their rates?);
surgical assistants on-staff;
rates of women with previous cesareans (most women who have one will go on to have more cesareans);
whether the hospital caters to high-risk pregnant women;
liability; and
individual OB preferences (for example, is the OB skeptical of traditional medical practices, or do they tend to make the call more quickly?)

So if a cesarean section rate comes down to individual hospitals, how is a national (or international) strategy ever to be successful? As the author writes,

"In 2000, the federal government set a goal of reducing the caesarean rate among first-time moms to 15 percent (from 18 percent in 1998) by 2010. Instead, officials watched it shoot up."

My question is this - how can we work to make hospital policy and "culture" more transparent? If there are hospitals in our city who have higher c-section rates, wouldn't it make sense for consumers to know why? Perhaps then we could do something about it. Just because we live in a country with universal health care, doesn't mean we can't demand better quality service.

I'll tell you this: many OBs may not care about their cesarean rates, but we pregnant women DO. Unless there is some extreme fear of labour/birth, the majority of women want to avoid a cesarean section. And yet, here we are, getting wheeled into the operating room despite our wishes.

Did you know that midwives have a 30% lower c-section rate than a family doctor who delivers babies? Who knows how much lower that rate is when comparing OBs and midwives - probably a huge difference. Doesn't it make sense to transfer the care of ALL low-risk pregnant women to midwives? Let's leave the surgical stuff and emergencies up to the experts.

It's time for change. Please take a look at the Association of Ontario Midwives "Benefits of Midwifery to the Health Care System." Speak out, and contact your local MPP.

{Ottawa Doula} Frame of Mind

2011-10-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

Before I even knew that the term "attachment parenting" existed, I was raising my daughter in a way that aligned well with this style of parenting. All the books and articles I read only confirmed my beliefs, and helped me to become more confident in the instincts that I was following. It certainly wasn't the norm to parent in this way, but that didn't stop me!

However, as with all ideas, beliefs and value systems, nothing is ever black and white. Attached parents may not be able to follow this frame of mind all the time, and different children require different strategies.

Although I can't call my child "different," I can certainly call her many other things - spirited, gregarious, head-strong, and challenging, to name a few.

Maybe she's only challenging to ME, the parent, who is perhaps less suited to this type of personality (I like quiet - lots of it!) But the most important lesson I've learned (so far) as a parent, is that we must accept our children for who they are, not what we think they should be.

Of late, we've had some challenges with A (not surprising, given she's 2!), that have made me question my attachment parenting frame of mind. I breastfed (still do), babywore, co-slept, avoided cry-it-out techniques and tried to understand my baby's cues. I didn't do all of this just because I read it in a book - I did a lot of it naturally (although self consciously at times).

Now that we're in the toddler years, and I'm working two jobs, the struggles with sleep and nighttime parenting have become an issue. For a while, we thought we were "in the clear," when she started sleeping through the night. That only lasted several months until she started waking up again - very predictably, at 1am and 5am.

It doesn't necessarily bother me to comfort her back to sleep and occasionally share the bed. What is bothering me is a niggling thought that I need to be "tougher." That given my child's boisterous personality, I need to perhaps apply some stricter boundaries.

It helps me to think about it this way - when am I giving up TOO much, just to make her happy? When am I ignoring all my needs?

And so last night, we had a big cry-fest, when I refused to give in to her demands. We can't shut the door and leave, as she knows how to open the door, but I just sat beside her while she threw a MEGA tantrum at 4:30am. She eventually went back to sleep, sniffling and hiccuping in that horribly sad way.

This is where my frame of reference becomes foggy, and I can't determine my true feelings. If I am an attached parent, don't I want to avoid letting her cry like this? Yet, if I tap into my needs and desires, don't I really need/want an extra hour or two of sleep before starting our day?

So my attachment parenting friends out there - tell me your experiences. Can I be an attached parent and avoid giving in to every nighttime need?

Self Care

2011-10-28T10:56:00.000-07:00

I've spoken recently about the drawbacks to being a doula, and working in a job that is unpredictable - you don't know what your hours will be; there is no one telling you what to do; and the perks are sometimes hard to spot.

Something must keep drawing us back to the birthing space - clearly, the miracle of birth is fantastic, and being able to provide emotional support is extremely rewarding. I would also argue that OBs, midwives and doulas are adrenaline junkies. Just like those people who continue to seek higher and higher peaks to scale, we continue to seek experiences that get the heart pumping (as I tell my clients, labour is actually pretty boring until the end, but sometimes, you come up against a situation that leaves you reeling!)

And with all this adrenaline, lack of sleep and outpouring of support, there is little time and effort for something that is so important: self care.

Image Source

Like the flight attendants say: you must put on your own oxygen mask before you help your children (or anyone else for that matter). If a doula (or any type of person who's main role is to support others) does not put on her oxygen mask, she will burn out and be useless to her clients.

I've learned this the hard way these past 9 months, and I'm ready to take more of an active role in the self care department. So here is an outline of some of the things I plan to (try) to do for myself, as I enter some of the busiest months of my career thus far:

1) I'm joining Andrea over at At Peek Inside the Fishbowl to do the "100 Club." A long, fast walk every day, and 40 jumping jacks, 30 crunches, 20 squats, 10 push-ups. Quick and simple!

2) My yoga 10-class pass is sitting unused in my wallet. Time to bust it out and attend a class each week. I am also committing to doing one other day of a quick yoga/meditation exercise.

3) Protein: people who stay up all night don't need more carbs. Carbs are great for an all-around healthy diet, but if that's what you're eating to keep you awake, you're in for an unpleasant surprise. Sugar crashes! Headaches! Nausea! I am committing to eat more protein.

4) Monthly massages. This is easy for me - no one needs to drag me to the massage table! (thanks Anna Belanger!)

5) Friends: they are my lifeline. I need to commit to working on friendships, so that I don't end up losing any. Phone calls, letters, emails and as many face-to-face dates as I can schedule.

Even when you're not a doula, self care is so important. What do you do to take care of yourself?

Our Busy Week

2011-10-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

What have we been up to here at the Tweet? Good question, because I haven't blogged since last week!

1) Getting ready for halloween..

Cookie making!

2) Putting our gardens to bed...

Bye bye tomatoes!

Free mulch from Hydro One

3) Seeing babies being born...sorry, no pictures here!

4) And finally, discovering mould in our downstairs bathroom. There are pictures, but do you really want to see them?

Hope you had a great week! What have you been up to?

You are every person you will ever meet

2011-10-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

Many of us bloggers are taking time this week to write about a serious issue: bullying. We're writing about it because another teenager has died here in Ottawa. He took his own life, in order to escape from his struggles with depression and bullying.

As I sat listening to the words of his father, a councillor here in Ottawa, the sadness I felt from this wasted life turned into anger.

I'm angry because Jamie lost his battle with depression. I'm angry because Jamie couldn't be himself in a world that demands conformity. I'm angry because our society as a whole fails, time and time again, to help young people deal with the challenges they face.

But most of all, I'm angry with the bullies. I am filled with anger directed at them.

I realize that there are other factors that contributed to Jamie's suicide. I know that mental health issues are multifaceted, and take a long time to get under control. And I'm sure that Jamie's family, his school, and his friends tried to take action.

But I remember those bullies well. Although I can not begin to imagine what Jamie went through, I can certainly relate to the experience of being bullied. My middle school years are not fond memories. Several girls in my class, including me, were targets of gossip and cruel words and it made school life a rotten experience. I was extremely lucky to have a couple of great girlfriends, and the sympathetic ear of the vice principle, who did as much as she could to support us through those challenges. And although I was not a gay youth, I was called a lesbian and bullied about my sexuality. For a young teen, this is particularly devastating.

But my girlfriends and I did not receive the worst. I remember another young girl, slightly overweight, who was the subject of relentless and cruel treatment. She was bullied physically and emotionally, and eventually had to move schools because of the abuse.

My thoughts go to the girls who did the bullying - what was wrong with them? How did they become so cruel? Is it possible to be inherently mean or does it have a lot to do with the skills of the parents? Or is it just that the parents weren't aware of what was going on?

I reflect on these memories now that I have my own daughter. The thought of her growing up to bully other children makes me sick to my stomach. How do we prevent this?

I'm far from an expert, but I think that raising empathetic children is the key. Teaching them - from the newborn stage - the importance of recognizing and sharing another person's feelings is the BEST way to ensure that children will become compassionate adults.

This reminds me of an episode of my favourite show Being Erica, which aired just the other week. In it, Erica is a "therapist-in-training" and is called upon to help a man who she does not like. As she struggles to help someone she despises, her own therapist tells her "you are your patient. You are every patient you will ever have, and you are every person you will ever meet."

When we put ourselves on another level, and look down on others, we are saying I am not you.

And that, my friends, is how wars are started; how fights or disagreements arise; and how we come to marginalize others. It is based on the fact that we have separated US from THEM, or ME and YOU.

As soon as we take this step to separate ourselves, and as soon as we draw that line in the sand, we have lost the battle. As humans, this is how we fail each other, time and time again.

I will make a plea to you tonight - I ask you to talk to your children about these lines that we draw. I ask you to work in your own lives to erase these barriers. And most importantly, I ask you to help your children realize that we are every person we will ever meet.

This is Matthew Barber's You and Me.

An Unexpected Life

2011-10-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

When I get to the point in a prenatal visit when I must talk about "unexpected outcomes" with my doula clients, I get a bit nervous.

Why? Because I know that most of the time, my clients will be reluctant to discuss what would happen in the event of: a cesarean section, a stillbirth, a child with a medical or health condition, caring for a child with special needs...the list goes on.

When we become pregnant with our first child, we generally put on our rose-coloured glasses, and have a hard time contemplating what life would be like if things didn't go the way we imagined them. I know this, because I did it too.

I remember watching an episode of Oprah during my pregnancy, which showcased "real" moms talking about the truth of motherhood - what things are really like. I turned the TV off and called my own mom in a panic, and asked her "is it really that bad!?" The feedback I got from her, and from other moms, was that I had nothing to worry about. It's Oprah after all, not real life!

Fast forward several months, and I realized that a lot of the women speaking on that Oprah episode were right - I had fallen down the rabbit hole and wasn't coming up anytime soon. And I had a healthy baby!! Imagine the shock I may have experienced with a baby who was sick.

We can never fully prepare for an unexpected outcome, because clearly, we don't know what it will be like, or how we will react. But that doesn't mean that we need to shut our eyes and plug our ears - discussing the unthinkable may help us to realize that we are not in control. And that's OK. The more we let go of control, the better chance we have at surviving a crisis in our lives.

I would like to share an incredible blog by a woman I know, Julie Keon. Julie was my childbirth educator during my pregnancy, and I will never forget the moment that she took out a picture of her daughter and passed it around to our class. She was illustrating the fact that pregnancy and birth are unpredictable. We hope for the best, but we should also open our eyes to the possibility of hardship and loss.

As I have been reading through Julie's posts, I realize how imporant it is for other mothers to share the joys and challenges of leading a different kind of life - an unexpected life. Without this knowledge, and without a glimpse into the unknown, how would we ever begin to understand the depths of human dignity, strength and love?

Please visit Julie's website, and take a moment to read some of the posts - especially the introductory post on the main page. Share this with any parents who are learning how to raise a child with special needs. http://www.whatiwouldtellyou.com/

You WILL get a medal!

2011-10-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

In September 2008, just days after we tied the knot, hubby and I took a two week honeymoon to Newfoundland. I know, a little bit of a different choice for honeymoon destinations, but who ever said you need to be predictable?

Newfoundland is actually a magical honeymoon destination, and the most beautiful place I've ever visited. Part of our plan was to spend five days in Gros Morne National Park, a designated Unesco World Heritage Site. We could have actually spent two months there, but alas, real life called us back home.

As we planned what to do from our cozy cabin, hiking Gros Morne Mountain was definitely a top priority. It's the second highest peak in Newfoundland, and 806 M high. The climb was supposed to be a challenging one, but we counted on the fact that we were in decent shape.

But no one foresaw how my post-wedding body would react to all the pre-wedding stress and jitters by getting sick. It happens to the best of us - you go, go, go, only to drop dead as soon as you have a moment to relax. Well, I didn't quite drop dead, but it was touch-and-go for a couple of days as to whether I would have the stamina to climb the mountain.

Hiking day dawned clear and sunshiny, and hubby ignored my whining and ushered me to the car. We set out early, as we wanted enough time to complete the hike before possible clouds and rain rolled in. The first part was easy - a slow, meandering 4km uphill to the base of the meanest part of the mountain.

When we emerged from the green forest (with chirping birds and ponds scattered here and there), we got our first view of the actual "mountain." Many people just hiked this portion of the trail, took pictures like all good tourists, and then turned home. But not us - oh, no - we were aiming to do the whole thing.

At the end of this 4km hike was a terrifying sign, warning hikers of the dangers in climbing Gros Morne. The sign went something like this:

All those faint of heart be warned: the next several kilometres involve a vertical climb upward over a steep boulder gully - which is actually a major landslide that took place not too long ago. It's quite possible another landslide could happen at any point, and you will be buried alive under the rubble. If you happen to make it up the "scree" (ie. sharp, pointy rocks), you will reach the smooth arctic tundra, which can often be shrouded in thick clouds. It's possible that you will lose your way at this point, and fall down the side of the mountain. If not, and you find yourself still alive, you will descend another 6km down a steep Ferry Gulch (read: scary cliff). It is not uncommon to encounter bears and angry moose. Use trail at your own risk.

At this point I turned around to go back to the car, but hubby had other plans. And actually, he was right - the hike up was the scariest part, but we made it to the top feeling exhilarated and proud of ourselves. The next day I was so sore I could barely lift a leg, but man, did I feel awesome! I'd just climbed a mountain!

The point of this post? Yes, there are things in life that seem insurmountable (eg. birth!). You will be scared, and you may whine and cry most of the way. But all of a sudden you will come to a point where you give in, let go, and start having fun. And despite the bruises, sore muscles and sunburned face, you will finish that challenge feeling stronger than ever before.

When you meet a challenge head on, and take the bull by the horns, despite all your misgivings, you WILL get a medal for your courage. Sure, it might not be a real medal hanging on your wall, but it will be there, all shiny and pretty - in your heart.

Emergency Preparedness

2011-10-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

My hubby thinks I'm crazy, but I'm currently planning our Emergency Preparedness kit to store in our basement. It will include things like water, first aid kits and canned food. It's something I've been meaning to do for ages, but the task always seems to get pushed to the end of the To Do List.

And although I may be laughed at, the truth is, you just never know. Yes, we live in Ottawa, Canada, and I think we're pretty safe from things like war and famine. But global warming could soon result in severe weather patterns (as it has in the past, with the 1999 Ice Storm), and infectious outbreaks scare the living daylights out of me. So, like a good Girl Guide, I like to be prepared for a period of time when we may be stuck in our home.

This has me reflecting on a recent birth, where I was called upon to handle an emergency situation. Being a doula in Ottawa, I had taken for granted the fact that we are near many amazing hospitals. And yet, none of these hospitals will be able to serve you if you can't get to them on time (and you aren't blessed with a midwife to catch your baby at home).

I seem to have forgotten one important lesson:

Birth is unpredictable

Oh sure, birth is normal (unless proven otherwise), but it's certainly not predictable. You can't tell how a woman's labour will progress, no matter how much of an expert you think you are. And so sometimes things will go faster than you think - faster than a speeding bullet!

So I thought it may be helpful for other doulas out there (and partners/Dads too!) to outline a few of the things I learned from my experience:

1) A precipitous labour is one that is under 3 hours in length. The woman essentially has no early labour signs/symptoms and will begin active labour immediately.

2) A lot of blood and mucous, with contractions quickly becoming 1-2 minutes apart can indicate that a woman has dilated very fast (blood/mucous is normal in every labour, but may be a sign of impending birth if progress has been quick)

3) If the water breaks and the woman immediately feels the urge to push, you can be quite sure that she is close to delivery (especially with the other signs mentioned above)

4) It's always best to call 911 from your home, even if you're close to the hospital. At least at home you have access to clean/warm towels, and don't have to deal with a cramped backseat. DOULAS: don't be worried about calling a false alarm. Paramedics are trained to assess the situation, and if your instincts are wrong (which they probably aren't), at least you will know that you played it safe.

5) If you do get stuck in the car, because you assumed you had more time, always pull over to the side of the road and call 911. The operator will guide you through the delivery

And the most important thing I have learned:

6) Doulas should do everything they can to avoid catching the baby. Even if dad is driving, he should be instructed to come around to the back and catch the little one. This is something that has been drilled home to me, because if anything were to happen to the mother or baby, the doula would be out of a job (and possibly involved in a lawsuit).

As a newer doula, I realize that lessons are learned at every birth - and that I will continue to learn for many years to come. This situation was a pretty intense lesson, and I am thankful for the fact that it was a good outcome. I don't even want to think about the "IFs."

So as a lesson to all you doulas-in-training out there - read the Emergency measures in your pregnancy/childbirth texts. 'Cause you just never know!

Doula Drudgery

2011-10-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

A fellow doula recently wrote a great post called "Being a Doula is Hard," and it has inspired me to also talk about the pitfalls of my profession.

Anthro Doula hits on a lot of great points:

Nervousness about being called at inopportune times, being woken up at all hours of the night, working on very little sleep, having to be in hospitals all the time, dealing with difficult care providers, being emotionally and physically supportive to someone else in their most vulnerable time, and having to be the most attentive you've ever been.There's also the fact that doula work is not always steady (many people don't always want to pay a reasonable fee)...

The sleepless nights are sometimes torture, and yes, being in hospitals all the time is a drag (I love, love, love home births - obviously since I had one myself! I love working with midwives, who are quiet and caring; I love homemade food that clients provide; and the comfort of someone's living room couch is a godsend).

As a doula, you will miss family outings,
like this one to Saunders Farm

I think the worst part for me is being away from my family. Because not only is it the 12 hours (or more) when I actually attend the birth, but it's also the frequent phone calls/texts from clients in early labour, and the emotional and physical toll I must overcome in the days following.

Take this past weekend for example. I spent Saturday dealing with a migraine, as well as frequent communication with a client in early labour, which lasted almost two days. I was called to the birth in the wee hours of Monday morning, and got home 12 hours later. I then stumbled around the house for a while, and finally crashed at 8pm.

I miss my daughter a lot when I'm at a birth, and although I'm dying to crawl into my pajamas and a warm bed, I also want to spend time with her before I get my rest. I also struggle with the resentment that I must get up the next day and go to my "real job," spending even more time away from the little munchkin.

So why do I do it? I could get paid extremely well in my day job, especially if I took it on full-time and became more involved in the design of specific projects.

But something keeps calling me back to labouring mothers, and I follow that call despite the all-nighters, despite my longing for my daughter and husband, and despite the sterility of a hospital room.

When called to a birth, driving through the dark streets past midnight, I see myself tied by invisible strings to all the labouring women around the world. I feel this safety net around me as I drive with other midwives and doulas, on our way to yet another birth. I hear the laughter shared by women, I feel the loving touch, and I smell the scent of baking Groaning Cake (click for a recipe!), which permeates the birthing place. I carry these sensations with me into the hospital room, and they sustain me and my client through the long night. And as the head is delivered, and a wriggly little baby slips into the world, I say a small thanks for this miracle, and for my ability to share in it.

One, two, three, four: Tell me, how many do you want to go for?

2011-10-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

Time Magazine recently debunked a whole bunch of myths related to only children. The main findings from the author's research is that only children aren't really that much different from other children. In fact, some studies have suggested that only children score higher on SATs and have higher self-esteem. Does this mean that children with siblings are dumb and hate themselves? No, of course not! But perhaps we have been misled by stereotypes when we think about only children.

A big debate is happening in our house right now. Actually, that's not true - it's just happening in my head. Every day, I wake up with a different thought:

"I will try for another baby"

VS.

"What, are you crazy!? No more babies!"

It seems easy for some people - they either embrace the only-child thing, or they have always been sure about multiple children (some are so sure that they bang them out in a matter of a few years!) I'm more curious to hear from the people out there who just don't know...who wake up each day having made a different decision than the day before.

I love babies. I wouldn't be doing doula work if I didn't love babies.

But do I want to love another one of MY babies? Gah!

First of all, I realize that I'm already assuming that I would be blessed with a pregnancy. I've heard of plenty of women who have tried for a second child (after a fairly easy conception the first time around), only to discover a fertility issue. So I realize this "debate" in my head is entirely based on the assumption that I would actually get pregnant if we tried.

I keep listing off all the reasons why we should try for another child - A. needs a sibling; I want to bring another child into the world; I wonder if we're "complete" as a family; and somewhere deep down I worry whether I'm a "real Mom" if I don't have more children (this is a belief that I think truly exists out there - just listen to this quote from Jessica Alba). And as more and more friends have second babies and announce pregnancies, I do feel the pressure mounting.

The pressure in my HEAD of course....brought on entirely by myself.

So why don't I want another baby? There are a number of reasons, which maybe some of you can relate to.

Personally, I don't know if I was cut out for this Motherhood Thing. And I'm not just saying that so you'll leave nice comments telling me how great of a Mom I am - I'm saying it because I really believe that some women have a harder time adjusting to motherhood and all its demands. Perhaps it was lack of preparation, or unrealistic expectations...or a bit of both! I feel very well adjusted right now, and love my daughter to bits, but the newborn stage is just not for me.

So then my head tells me: ok, fine, why don't you just suck it up and get through the newborn stage? It's not that long!

But there are other questions: how will I do doula work with two children? How will we afford me being on maternity leave with no benefits? Can I juggle two children when I find one to be a challenge?

Many unanswered questions, and I know I've got some time. While a decision doesn't need to be made today, I certainly don't want to be wavering for many years to come.

So tell me - what do you think? Are you an only child? What was your experience growing up? If you're having children, or planning for children, do you know exactly how many you want? Why?

Temptation

2011-10-02T17:49:00.000-07:00

We all have those times - kids have cried all day, hit other kids, screamed at you, screamed at other kids, and refused to nap. By dinnertime, you are exhausted and in need of a serious break.

The easiest thing to do is to flip through your take-out menus and actually give yourself a break.

BUT...

1) You just did this 3 days ago (pizza night)

2) Face it, every day kind of sucks right now (life with toddler)

3) Your bank account doesn't need another hit

4) There is perfectly good food in the fridge

I know...the temptation is there.

Sometimes, I'll admit, I give in to it. But tonight I didn't!

I am a huge fan of soups. Why? Because they're so darn easy, and you really don't need to follow a recipe. Plus, if you've forgotten to defrost some meat, you can just go vegetarian instead! Here are the basic ingredients for any fabulous soup, and I will give you some substitutes if you're really scrounging around:

2 tbsp Oil (butter will do...heck, any fat will do)

1 tsp Garlic (ok, if you're seriously desperate you can just use garlic powder. But do you have any ginger??)

1 Onion, chopped (no onion? What about leeks? Tip: cut big quantities of these things now while they're in season, and freeze! And, in a pinch, you can always skip the onion)

Spice (go crazy! Liven up a soup with anything, and try different combinations: thyme & oregano, cumin & thyme, basil&oregano&thyme&rosemary, cumin & curry powder)

2 cups Vegetables (really, this can be anything. But the best veggies for soups are clearly: carrots, celery, potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, peas, turnips...am I missing anything?)

1/2 cup Lentils (or chickpeas, or black beans...any kind of legume will work. Just remember that some legumes require extra cooking time. I always prefer red lentils because they're so fast!)

3-4 cups Veg., Beef or Chicken Stock (you CAN do water here, and just add some salt for flavour, but it may taste a little bland)

Extras: these things are just for fun! Tonight I tried a few spoonfuls of diced tomatoes and 1 tbsp Red Wine Vinegar. You can top with grated cheese, sour cream and chives.

Start by heating the oil. Sautee the garlic, onion and spices until onion is soft. Add the veggies and legumes; stir, and then add the stock. Bring to a boil and then simmer until everything is tender. Add more stock/water if you see it getting low. Unless you want a stew, of course!

Bon appetit!

Someday

2011-09-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

Someday I will have my own farm, and raise Nubian goats, hens and grow a massive vegetable garden

Someday I will join a choir and let loose my singing voice

Someday I will take that French course and become bilingual

Someday I will travel to Scandanavia....and Eastern Europe...and every state in the US...and New Zealand...and....oh, too many!

Someday I will learn how to golf, and will become a serious match for hubby

Someday I will have more money to donate to the causes I care so much about

Someday I will travel overseas as a doula, and support women in developing countries

Someday I will finally learn how to reduce stress

Someday I will have a conservatory, and will spend my mornings in the cool sweetness of a residential greenhouse

Someday I will be able to say "I know myself, and I'm OK"

What will you do someday?

BMI: Better Meaning for It?

2011-09-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

Oh....the BMI. Sigh.

Touted as THE measurement of body fat, it is based on a calculation of our weight and height. If you've been living under a rock these past twenty years, do a little Google search and calculate your own BMI. Where do you fall on the curve?

How do I hate the BMI? Let me count the ways:

1) It lumps individuals into categories - uber-skinny, thin, "normal" (whatever that means), overweight and obese

2) It is reductive

3) It shows nothing about a person's overall health

4) It is pervasive - used in every part of our health care system as a measuring stick for "good" and "bad" (i.e. skinny and fat)

In prenatal care, women with high BMIs are immediately slated for special (i.e. high-risk) treatment. If you didn't already know you had to lose a few pounds, watch out, because you'll certainly know now! You may be lucky and score a decent doctor, who is respectful, kind and willing to treat you as a person. But you may be unlucky to get stuck with a doctor who sees you only as BMI 32 (or wherever you land on that retched curve).

I can't understand how a medical community that is so research-focused and relies only on evidence-based information could miss the boat on this one. The BMI is only useful in context; in relation to a woman's overall health. I know plenty of women that fall over the "overweight" or "obese" line, and who are clearly neither. And yet because they walk around with that number tatooed on their face, their prenatal care can be significantly compromised.

There are plenty of studies out there showing that BMI is not successful in determining an individual's overall health. I won't begin referencing them here, but a quick Wikipedia search will put you in the right direction.

Instead, I have come up with several different meanings for the acronym BMI, just for fun. Play along and send me some more!

Bogus Measuring Instrument

Belittling Methodological Idea

Bitchy Medical Interns

Brainwashing Method (made by) Idiots

BITE ME INDEX

Singing a sweet song

2011-09-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

I'm joining Capital Mom today by blogging about a moment from my life based on a theme she has provided. This week’s Monday Moment theme is Singing. Check out all the other great bloggers following Monday Moments.

There was a time in my life that I could say "I'm a singer." I wrote songs. I recorded them. And I belted them out as a busker and amateur open mic night-gal.

In high school, my piano teacher used to say to me: "you would be such a great pianist if you could just put some passion into your playing."

But I couldn't find the passion. I instead found fear - lots and lots of fear.

My stage fright grew to epic proportions in high school, when I would be forced to play a "test" in front of the class, all the while shaking so badly that the bow would bounce and skitter across my strings.

My fear of failing meant that I could never pour my heart and soul into music. The "perfect" performance was always there, snickering at me from behind the curtain. And so I turned away from music, and life sent me in a different direction....until I decided it was time to face my fear.

I joined a singing group with coach Art Nefsky, an eccentric (but very amiable!) fellow in Toronto. The classes consisted of a small group of individuals - all with great voices - who were absolutely terrified to perform in front of others. We would get up on his little stage and sing to a karaoke machine, while he would lob instructions our way: "Sing like you're drunk!" "Pretend you're Beyonce Knowles!" "OK, now do that again, only begin every word with an F!" Soon we'd be singing with abandon, not really caring how ridiculous we looked. Because, damn, we sounded good!

Although I moved away from Toronto and Art's basement studio, I took my new found confidence with me. I even recorded several songs I had written, just to be able to say "that's my song."

My CD sits on a shelf now, and I look at it wistfully from time-to-time. I know friends that have made music their life, and I am sometimes jealous of them, touring the country and performing. But although I wish I had more time to play and sing, I feel a sense of pride at having silenced my fear and amplified my voice.

Here's to sweet songs.

Thank goodness for neighbours!

2011-09-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

Image Source: froghollow.bc.ca

Hubby and I have lived in many places - St. Catharines, Toronto, Hunstville, Trois-Pistoles (QC), and now 4 different neighbourhoods in Ottawa.

What we noticed about our past experiences was the lack of community - although we met a select few street-mates who we really clicked with, these pockets of homes where we spent our days seemed to be missing something. There was no one to call on for a cup of sugar, few people who greeted us every day, and no real sense of safety.

After we had Aylen, we realized that a good community was really important for us. I felt isolated in my little apartment, and being a New Mom with no family around is daunting.

We moved to Orleans over a year ago, based on the fact that some of Tom's family live nearby. We knew this would make things a bit easier on us, as there is always someone to call in a pinch. I have never wanted to live in the suburbs, and always imagined myself renting a great little apartment somewhere close to the city core. I don't like the idea of suburbs, with their mile-upon-mile of cookie cutter homes and lack of small businesses.

But the day we moved into our home, people from all around came over to introduce themselves and help with the heavy lifting. Our cousins and aunt/uncle are part of this group, but even more than great family here, there are good neighbours.

What makes a good neighbour?

Someone who takes the time to stop and talk to you, even when you're all in a rush to get out in the morning

Someone who puts your garbage out when they notice you've forgotten

Someone who leaves fresh produce and baked goods on your fence!

Someone you feel comfortable asking to look after the place while you're on vacation

Someone who will "call in the troops" when you've lost a pet, been broken into, or experienced some other kind of loss

We lost our dog the other day, and she has been returned to us safetly, thanks to some kindly neighbours who found her and turned her in. We not only feel grateful to them, but to all the people who (some not even knowing who we were!) scoured the neighbourhood for the little pug. I was imagining a hit and run, animal cruelty or even someone taking Darcy and deciding not to return her. Man, have I ever become cynical!

It saddens me that many of these "good" neighbours are older - what is it about our generation, which seems to distrust so much? Why do we go out of our way to avoid our neighbours? I see other Moms walking down the street with their children, and I long to stop and talk. But my reasoning for not doing so is that I am just "bothering" them. That somehow they will be annoyed with the fact that I want to have a little chat.

Our generation needs to reach out again. Our neighbourly instincts are being lost in this era of anxiety and fear, and nothing is getting any easier for families this way.

So here's a little challenge to you all - go out and meet one new neighbour this week. Find out more about them - you'll be surprised at the kindness and generosity you will find in others.

Pug has checked out

2011-09-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

You've all probably been reading from my Twitter and Facebook accounts (and of course, my frantic calls to family and friends) that our beloved pug Darcy is missing.

Last night was quiet around here - no snuffling and snorting; no sniffling and sneezing; no lapping of water or crunching of bones.

Today is being spent papering the neighbourhood with posters, and calling the City of Ottawa and Ottawa Humane Society in an attempt to locate her. This family isn't a family without our pug!

Tell me about your relationship with your pets (present or past) - have you ever lost a pet?

Thinking differently

2011-09-20T06:38:00.000-07:00

Worldwide Maternal Mortality (source: click here)

FACT:

•Women in poor nations are 300 times more likely to die in childbirth or from pregnancy complications than those in the developed world.

UNICEF Chief of Health Dr. Peter Salama on maternal mortality:

"It’s really an unconscionable number of deaths. It’s a human tragedy on a massive scale."

I attended a talk yesterday given by a researcher in Thailand, on the topic of maternal and neonatal health in South East Asia.

The graph above was shown in the first slide, and it sent chills all over my body.

We all know that women and babies around the world are dying - in large numbers. But it's not too often brought home in such a graphic way. The developing countries are bloated - the worst of the bunch in blood red. The image I conjure up in my head is heartbreaking.

I spend so much time thinking about healthy birth - promoting doula care, educating my clients on healthy birth practices, and lamenting our medical system - that I often forget that modern medical care saves lives.

I'm not trying to retract my previously stated beliefs/values/viewpoints. And I'm not going to bow down before our healthcare system in an apology - I still feel that we have gone too far forward. We have forgotten what the basic needs of women in childbirth are. We are preventing women from being powerful, instinctual and in control.

And yet a lack of proper medical care also takes away power - in a final, never-go-back kind of way.

This talk reminded me that there are interventions out there that are medically sound, and these are examples of good evidence-based practice; something the majority of women in this world are missing out on.

When I look at that skinny strip of North America, I suddenly feel chastised - into thinking that a rejection of modern care is somehow a powerful personal statement. A stick-it-to-the-man kind of mentality.

This talk has moved me forward into thinking about birth and infant health in a different way. It's not about "us vs. them." It's not about the home vs. hospital birth, or the OB vs. midwifery model of care. It's about powerful women, healthy women, strong women. It's about bringing babies into the world in a kind, gentle and healthy way. And without medical care, and good quality research, none of this will ever be achieved.

A woman is the full circle.

Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform

~ Diane Mariechild ~

Falling for fall

2011-09-18T17:42:00.000-07:00

Although we officially have five more days to go, I'm going to jump the gun and call it: Autumn is Here. The nights are cold, the mornings are chilly (and in many parts of this world, frosty!), and the days are clear and bright. As Stuart McLean said today on the Vinyl Cafe, the sky is a different kind of blue now than it is in July and August.

What better way to kick off our first fall weekend than with a visit to the local apple orchard:

The sunflowers welcomed us as though we were royalty

Her Highness was all too willing to oblige

The bees were busy this weekend - they know the end is near

A curious little elf hid amongst the towering flowers...

But emerged to bite into every apple she could find - whether they be on the ground or in the trees

"How do you like them apples!?"

A warm dinner of curried carrot soup - thanks to the sweet roots we had growing in our garden this year

And freshly baked whole wheat bread, with flour from Castor River Farm

To finish off, a salad with garden tomatoes and local purple kale

We've been inspired here at The Tweet by two books (one I have just finished, and the other I have my nose in as much as I can): Life in the Bush, by Roy MacGregor, and Animal-Vegetable Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. Hence the focus on local food today - but more on these exceptional books another time.

To bed I go, and hoping for dreams as vivid as the fall colours.

The Wind

2011-09-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

A restless spirit comes with this cold wind - the passing of summer finding a burst of cool energy that marks fall here in Ontario. The chill in the air gets into our bones, and we are reminded that the warmth of the sun will soon fade.

With energy comes new resolve: eat better, take a yoga class, drink more water, get in for a check-up...

And yet there is also an ennui. "Autumn's here...autumn's here. It's ok if, you want to cry," sings Hawksley Workman. We are reminded of another passing, the quick march into a new year. And it can make us feel scattered - bored with work, an inability to focus, dragging our feet in the dark mornings.

To shake the ennui, it's best for us to get outside. Enjoy the leaves before they fall. Taste the harvest before it's all cans and jars.

And be reminded of the beauty that surrounds us - the food...the people....the wine!

So long dear summer. Until we meet again.

Gilmore Girls

2011-09-13T18:32:00.000-07:00

I don't know about y'all, but I was an obsessed fan of Gilmore Girls. I can't remember who introduced it to whom (or is it whom to who??), but my old roommate and I would watch it religiously. She thought it was funny that I would sing the opening theme song at the top of my lungs. When I went hormonally crazy after the birth of my daughter, my roommie's full set of all 7 seasons saved my life during the initial breastfeeding frenzy. All I remember about being a new Mom was learning how to get a baby latched on, and then staring longingly at a show that portrayed the life of a grown-up daughter and Mother (no, the newborn stage was not all bliss and joy for me!)

One funny scene, which gets repeated in several seasons, is when Lorelai (Mom) wakes her daughter up in the middle of the night to go over all the gory details of her birth. I thought this was hilarious. What better way to celebrate our children's birthdays than to tell them about their birth?

So when Aylen is old enough, here is what I'll tell her:

Mommy received a very ominous message from her doula at around 9pm on friday night - it predicted that I would go into labour at exactly 4am the next morning. I laughed at her message, shut the computer off, and then stood up. All of a sudden I felt a tightening in my back, and joked with Daddy that maybe she was right! At some point in the night I began having some cramps, and finally woke Daddy up at around 4am. He told me to go back to sleep, but as hard as I tried, it just wasn't happening. At about 5am, I got up and started pacing around the house. At 6am, I woke up Nana and Boompah to tell them to head on up to Ottawa - I reassured them there was plenty of time. Once Daddy woke up, I told him he might as well go to work, because I knew things would take a long time. I spent the rest of the day resting, cleaning and trying to distract myself from the contractions, which were coming about every 6 minutes. Nana and Boompah arrived, and wondered why I wasn't already having the baby - "these things take time," I said!

Around dinner time I began cooking Adzuki Bean Stew, because I was convinced that my birthing team would need sustenance throughout the labour. All of a sudden I couldn't remember where I kept ingredients in my kitchen, and I began gripping the counter and saying "ow, ow, ow" during contractions. That's when everyone kicked me out of the kitchen and sent me upstairs. I called our doula, and she arrived about an hour or so later. She said she didn't think I was in active labour yet (which I didn't like to hear!), and took me for a walk around the block.

The rest is a blur. It's like when you get really drunk and black out - oh, sorry, you don't know what getting drunk is like yet. Well, that's what it felt like. I remember specific things - throwing up, getting in the bath, moaning like a cow, shaking uncontrollably, throwing up some more, and having hot and cold flashes. At some point I heard a calm voice from the corner telling me to get back in the bath (it was my midwife). Once I did, our doula put on beautiful relaxation music (now whenever I hear loons, I think of childbirth) and let your Daddy and I have some alone time. Almost immediately I felt the urge to push, although I actually thought I had to poo instead.

I pushed in several different positions, but you just didn't want to come out. At first I liked pushing a lot, but after 2 hours I'd had enough! We found out that you were coming out like Superman (one arm up in front of your face), which is why it took so long to push you out. As soon as you were out and on my chest, I told Daddy that I was never, ever giving birth again (I may have changed my mind by now) You were pink and wrinkly, and very cute. Although I did not love you right away - because you scared the crap out of me - I learned to love you more than anything else in the world! The End.

Happy Birthday to my little Superwoman

Stimulation

2011-09-11T18:36:00.000-07:00

So I was listening to The Current (CBC) the other day, and heard a great story about vibrators...

..........................................

haha! Just kidding! (actually, the segment really was about vibrators - listen here) But that's not what I'm going to be talking about today.

This post will be about stimulating our children, not ourselves.

When you have a baby, you are told by countless parenting experts that you are supposed to "stimulate" them, through various age appropriate activities. When they're really young, this can be things like tummy time, flashing black and white cards in their faces, shaking rattles and having endless one-way conversations with them (for language development, of course!) As they grow older, stimulation can include playdates, trips to museums and libraries, swimming, gymnastics, play groups....the list goes on.

All of these activities are things that we do to and for our children, and they are supposed to help with many cognitive skills as they grow up. Who knows, maybe there's even research out there that has proven that certain activities lead to smarter kids.

All I know is that many of these activities are overstimulating for certain children - i.e. my child. Too much activity, noise and people usually results in withdrawal, extreme clinginess or tantrums. I've also noticed that these programs seem to expect that toddlers will respond well to 18 different activities in a span of 45 minutes. And the best of them (as voted by other parents) are very, very expensive.

So here is my top ten list of things you can do to stimluate the child who gets overstimulated easily:

10) Go to the park - wide open spaces = less noise

9) Library programs - these are usually much quieter and easier for little ones to follow. And bonus...they're FREE!

8) Play Groups - again, the free factor comes into play here in Ontario. Although slightly busier, they have much less structure than some programs, and allow for a lot of independent and group play.

7) Play Dates - pick a few friends you really get along with, and organize regular play dates with your children. Just stay away from overly competitive Moms who want to get together for the sole purpose of comparing the children's levels of development!

6) Gardening - let them participate in the spring planting, and have them assist throughout the summer with weeding and watering. OK, so they will most likely just want to spalsh around in their kiddie pool, but you'd be surprised at how much they learn! Aylen now knows that our beans, lettuce and tomatoes come from the garden. She's also super excited to go "picking."

5) Family - nothing is more stimluating then a big family get-together. Which is probably why us adults always drink too much...

4) Pets - our family dog provides endless entertainment for our toddler. Most of it involves Aylen yelling at Darcy "sit!" "Come here!" "No, Darcy, drop that!"

3) Hiking - is it really a hike when you walk 3 steps and then stop to admire the moss? Ummm...YES! Kids are so fascinated by nature at this age, and won't be in a very short period of time - indoctrinate them now while you have the chance!

2) Circle Walks - No, they are not walks to a toddler. To a toddler, nothing is better than marching down the street, and promptly turning right around to go in the opposite direction. So you end up going in circles. But you discover many a wonderful thing - like this morning, we stumbled upon a local garage sale, and Mommy bought a ton of Christmas decorations for $7!!

1) And the #1 way to stimulate your overstimulated child....PRETEND PLAY!!!

For example, carry your child around in a bag and call them groceries!

When You Eat What You Are: Placentophagia

2011-09-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

Image courtesy of Squat Birth Journal

Yes, I shall now delve into a topic many of those in the mainstream would call "bizarre" - the hows' and the whys' of eating your placenta.

Perhaps some of you have never heard of this ritual, and "ewww" alarm bells are going off in your head. Before you pre-judge (remember my previous post?), why don't you sit tight for a few minutes and have a little read? You might learn something new, or perhaps, this will convince you to do something you never thought possible!

Let's start at the beginning. I'm not going to assume you all know what I'm taking about, so here's a quick definition of the placenta: this is the organ in the uterus of pregnant mammals, which nourishes and maintains the fetus through the umbilical cord. To be all dramatic about it, the placenta is "life itself." It is what sustains and holds your baby for those ten looong months. So before you begin saying "gross" consider where we would be without the placenta....childless!

You can certainly develop an appreciation for the beautiful life-giving organ, but perhaps you think eating it after birth is going a little too far. But think about this: in an (old! 1980) article from Neuroscience and Biohehavioral Reviews, Mark Kristal writes that:

"During delivery, a striking behavior occurs in most nonhuman mammalian species: the mother consumes the afterbirth. Although this placentophagia does not seem, on the surface, to be critical to the birth process or to the immediate well-being of the infant, the mother purposefully, laboriously, and usually completely, devours the placenta and fetal membranes. Often she stops attending to the newborn during placentophagia, which may last for an hour or more, and resumes infant-directed behaviors only when the afterbirth has been completely eaten. To date we know almost nothing of the causes or consequences of this behavioral phenomenon."

Now, if we're going to be skeptical for a minute, we might ask "what types of mammals eat their placentas?" Or, "how common is this in higher-order mammals?" The paper I've quoted above gives a great overview of what types of mammals engage in this behaviour - some of them being higher-order mammals such as apes.

Kristal notes that no evidence of placentophagia was found in anthropological records from 296 cultures around the world. Whether this occured in ancient cultures, for which we have no data, is a question that remains unanswered.

So why are we talking about eating our placentas if it doesn't seem to be a "normal" behaviour amongst humans? Kristal writes that although there is no evidence that this has been a historical practice amongst human cultures, there are many strong statements against the eating of the placenta, which suggests that these cultures recognized the placenta as a substance that could be eaten. So perhaps, somewhere along the line in our history, eating the placenta was shunned as a dangerous or "gross" practice. Given that many primates eat their placentas, it's quite possible our early ancestors participated in this practice and it was slowly phased out over time.

So back to the present - there are currently no good (or bad) quality studies that have focused on placentophagia in humans. Which means that there is no evidence-based information to suggest that there are benefits to eating your after-birth.

However, in the past 40 years, a small (but determined) movement has grown in support of placentophagia. Some suggest this developed out of the homebirth movement in 1970s California - after all, those crazies were doing it all! (I say this with sarcasm). Despite the lack of evidence, these proponents claim that eating the placenta can balance your system, replenish your iron levels, increase milk production and even ward off postpartum depression.

I had the chance to chat with someone who has first-hand experience with placenta encapsulation: this is a practice where the placenta is dried, ground, and encapsulated, to be taken over the course of several weeks. (There are also some women who will cook a recipe with their placenta, blend it into a smoothie, or eat it raw - clearly, this needs to be done quickly, as bacteria can certainly grow. Encapsulation allows for a much longer shelf life, and the people who do this claim that the same benefits remain in the pills for many years to come).

This local Mommy decided to encapsulate her placenta after her second pregnancy. She became interested in the process while reading about it on MODG and says that "I am very lucky to have a supportive husband. We share money, so if he hadn't been on board, I would have had a hard time spending our money. He knew I had done my research so, for us, it was worth the money even if the effects were only placebo."

I've heard similar statements concerning homeopathy, a form of medicine that uses micro-doses of natural remedies to stimluate the body's natural healing processes. Good scientific evidence in support of homeopathy is lacking, and yet thousands of people can lay a claim to its efficacy. The benefits could be entirely based in the placebo effect, or perhaps our science is not advanced enough to realize the worth of this form of medicine. Either way, people are paying money for homepathic care and are experiencing its benefits.

And just how much does placenta encapsulation cost? With a little bit of research, I've found the cost to range anywhere from $175-$300. Some people claim you can do it yourself for much less, by purchasing encapsulation supplies and dehydrating the placenta in your oven.

Despite the costs, the Mommy I spoke to was impressed with the results. She had a smooth postpartum transition and although she believes there were several factors that played a part, she is sure that the pills had some positive effect on her mood and physical recovery.

After reading this post and doing your research, if you still aren't convinced, consider other ways to "honour" your placenta and its life-giving qualities:

Have your partner, doula or other family member snap some pics - when your child is 15 and slamming doors in your face, you may need to be reminded of the beauty of life.
Ask for your midwife or the nurse to show you the placenta. Make sure to catch them before they stick it in a baggie and send it off. Most midwives and nurses are excited to show off the "pouch" and explain how your baby has lived those past 10 months.
Gifted artists can make "placenta prints," by rolling your placenta on a canvas. The artwork is rather beautiful, although not without its "gross" factor. Just tell your guests your son/daughter painted it!
Plant the placenta in your yard, along with a fruit tree. As the child grows and the tree grows, it becomes a special memorial of all that is beautiful in the circle of life. And hopefully the dog doesn't pee on it too much.

A poem for you, September

2011-09-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

September has come,
It is hers whose vitality leaps in the autumn,
Whose nature prefers
Trees without leaves and a fire in the fire-place;
So I give her this month and the next
Though the whole of my year should be hers who has rendered already
So many of its days intolerable or perplexed
But so many more so happy;
Who has left a scent on my life and left my walls
Dancing over and over with her shadow,
Whose hair is twined in all my waterfalls
And all of London littered with remembered kisses.

- Louis MacNeice, "Autumn Journal"

Gearing up for Party Weekend

2011-09-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

Naked Spaghetti Day!

Us chickadees over here at The Tweet are gearing up for a big weekend. The little chick will be celebrating her second birthday, and will be christened the following day.

We're not big on religion here, but I was brought up Presbyterian, and Tom was brought up Catholic. It's our parents, grandparents and other extended family who are excited to see this event happen.

After meeting with the minister at our local United Church, I couldn't help but be glad we are taking this step. Will I be attending church weekly with Aylen? No, probably not. But I will be introducing her to Christian traditions through the celebration of Christmas and Easter, and will fully support whatever path she chooses to take.

Now that we have Aylen, and may grow our family some more in the next few years, I have realized the importance of creating a community of support around me. Parenting is hard regardless of where you live, but I am envious of women who parent as a "team" - cooking and cleaning together, sharing resources and helping to raise each other's children. I've noticed that being a Mom is always the best when we have family and friends visiting - Aylen is more distracted, behaves well, and seems to respond better to her nap and bedtime routines.

When we spend the days alone together, Tom will usually come home to an exhausted wife, a cranky child and a messy house. It's like we get bored with each other! On those days, all I long for is another Mom to be there with me, chatting and watching our kids play together. I miss the "old days" when we would send children outside to run around together, freeing up time for all those chores that need to get done.

Parenting feels like a lonely journey sometimes, and I have made an effort to build my own community of like-minded friends and pseudo-family. I have found this at play-groups, work (if you have a lot of other Moms in your workplace) and even through our prenatal class. Without these people around me, even if just for a lunch date, I don't think I would be considering another child. I just wouldn't be able to cope with the challenges.

Church (or, what I usually lean more towards - a buddhist temple or meditation group) is another form of community, and often a very strong one. As I grow older and explore more about my spirituality, I look forward to sharing this with Aylen and helping her build a solid foundation from which she will make major life decisions. It's my belief that spirituality goes a long way in creating a sense of belonging, worth and happiness.

Have a great long weekend everyone!

How to be a Foodie in Suburbanville: Part I

2011-08-31T09:28:00.000-07:00

In the era of BC (Before Children), I was something of a foodie. After a trip to Thailand in my early twenties, I threw myself headfirst into cooking from cultures all over the world. The stranger the ingredients, the crazier the recipes, the happier I was! I enjoyed visiting hole-in-the-wall grocery stores where I could find dusty jars of little-known substances hidden on corner shelves. I was cooking and eating quinoa and adzuki beans long before they became popular here.

Every Friday, I would read the Ottawa Citizen's food section (which I believe now runs on Wed or Thurs), and flip to the restaurant review by Anne Debrisay. I was hooked on her description of food, and in awe of her ability to pick out whether certain ingredients in a dish had come from the freezer or a can (which I can now do myself - it just takes a little practice!) I realized that good food is like good wine - sometimes you want to pay a little extra for the cream of the crop.

Enter child #1. First of all, I haven't read the newspaper in two years. I catch up on my news by listening to CBC radio, which sadly, does not have a food critic. And those nice restaurants I used to drag hubby to? It's really hard to enjoy an expensive meal when your toddler is screaming and wiping spaghetti on a nearby window.

My goal lately has been to find local establishments that make good quality food, but are still open to little toddlers peeking through swinging kitchen doors. Usually these are places that don't break the bank when you decide to go out for a meal. In an ideal world, they are family-run establishments with fresh ingredients and prices ranging from $7-$15 for an entree. They also have a decent beer and wine list for those parents in need of a drink.

What I didn't realize when we re-located to Orleans, Ontario, was that I now live in Suburbanville, where local establishments are big box restaurants. And here's the thing about these places (no naming names): the food is cookie cutter. Every town/city you travel to, the meal you purchase from these franchises will taste exactly the same. That might be nice for some people, but personally, I like variation. I'm delighted when a meal I bought last week tastes different this week, because the cooks have decided to get creative and throw in a few different ingredients.

Furthermore, these restaurants-in-a-box tend to load their dishes with three things: sugar, salt and fat. It makes it taste better, of course, but leaves me gasping for water all night long. My body groans whenever I chow down on an industrial dinner, and I know I'm not doing myself (or my family) any service.

We're not food snobs, and we sometimes stop at one of these places for the convenience (especially the ones that sell coffee!!). However, I'm fully aware that I'm getting low quality food at low prices, and I don't think doing this occasionally is going to kill me.

What does bug me is when I want to eat out (or take-out) and there is nothing within a 10km radius worth paying for. I would have to drive into downtown Ottawa, find and pay a babysitter, and drop a good deal of money just to get my fix.

It makes me wonder - why do suburbanites put up with this? Why aren't we demanding better food and making it easier for family establishments to start a business here? Why do we have to rely on these restaurants-in-a-box if we want a fun night out? We're the closest in the city to surrounding farming communities, and yet we eat processed chicken shipped in from Timbuktu.

I do not have time to start a restaurant, and frankly, I would be really bad at it. BUT, I do have time to do a little bit of research here in Orleans and find out if there's anything I might be missing. Part Deux of this series will look at some specific places in the neighbourhood that have been recommended to me, and I'm going to do my own foodie critique right here in this blog. Let's see what we can uncover (and hopefully it's not more salt, sugar and fat, 'cause frankly I've had enough of all that!)

I would love to hear from those of you living here in Orleans. Where do you eat out?

Sit your butt down!

2011-08-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of a cushion.

This isn't just any cushion, though. This is a meditation cushion.

Those of us who have practiced meditation know that you can't sit your butt down on just any 'ol pillow. This is something that you may be sitting on daily, for close to an hour; at retreats, this time could grow to over 8 hours.

That's a lot of time for your cushy butt to be sitting! And so you need a special, handmade cushion that molds to your cheeks just so (some people prefer meditation benches, or just a chair)

I'm taking so much time to talk about this particular cushion because it's mine. And for the past 2.5 years, it's been sitting abandoned in my closet, collecting dust. I have taken it out about half a dozen times, only to meditate for just 10 minutes - probably every 5 months or so.

And before you close this post, claiming that you "can't meditate" because "it just doesn't work," let me tell you a little about my experience.

If my mind were a picture, it would look like this:

picture from http://www.thout.ca/

Buddhist philosophers talk about the human mind as a "monkey mind." We are all over the place, swinging from branch to branch, and never settling still. Some of us have busier minds than others, and some of us find it tough to quiet our minds. I am a person with a busy, busy mind. If I take time to check in with my thoughts throughout the day, I can count about 10 different thoughts in the span of 30 seconds. That's a whole lot of ideas, worries, and random thinking.

And most of the time, our thoughts get us into trouble. We spend our days thinking about the past or the future, without ever really settling on what we're experiencing in the present. We eat our meals while reading, texting or watching TV. We text while chatting on the phone. We chat on the phone while working away at our computers. Boring tasks, like washing dishes or doing laundry, allows for time for the mind to "wander," but usually we're just wandering over to the future, trying to remember what else needs to get done on our to do list.

Before you know it, you're lying on your death bed wondering where all the time went.

I stumbled across meditation by accident. A yoga teacher I had while living in Huntsville gave me the number of a doctor who was running Jon Kabat-Zinn's Mindfulness Stress Based Reduction Program. Created in the U.S. to help people cope with chronic pain, the program soon branched out to include individuals from all walks of life - those struggling with the loss of a loved one; those with depression or anxiety; those with chronic pain from injuries and accidents; and those who were just a little curious about learning different ways to cope with day-to-day stress.

I called up the doc, and happened to score the last spot in the class. I was psyched! Until I learned that I was required to meditate for 45min per day throughout the entire 2 month program - AND attend a full-day silent retreat. SILENT....as in, NO TALKING. I was more than a little terrified.

The first few weeks were brutal, to be honest. I sat on that damned cushion, and cursed every minute of it, trying desperately to just "focus on my breath." No matter how much I focused, my thoughts kept coming in floods - no, tsunamis! - and I felt lost in the mess of it all. Despite my misgivings, my teacher (we call our meditation guides "teachers," in the Buddhist tradition) urged me to continue, and reassured me things would get easier.

But one day four weeks into the program, while trying to meditate and NOT listen to the TV just outside the bedroom door, I discovered a place. A quiet place. A place where one thought would enter the right side of my brain, and slowly, lazily, depart to the left. I could almost watch the thought dancing along in front of me, and felt myself descend further and further down into the deep, dark silence. For those of you who have read Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love, she gives a good description of this process, although I certainly wouldn't compare it to landing in the palm of God. I'm not really all that religious, and I think what happened was just a biological phenomenon by which my brain signals slowed down to the speed of molasses. Whatever it was, it was pretty cool.

I could end this post, and little story, by saying that my life was forever changed by this program, and I no longer experience stress or anxiety. Sorry to disappoint you, but that's not the case, and nor is it the point of mindfulness meditation (the technique used by Kabat-Zinn). The point is to experience everything in the moment in which it is happening. To meet your sadness, anger and happiness head on, and to watch them calmly from the sidelines. Out of this, you tend to gain a better handle on your mind's emotions, and no longer react blindly to them. So in this way, I guess you could say meditation is life-changing, because you are no longer a prisoner to your thoughts and emotions.

Since that program, I have returned to my practice at different times in my life, and even completed a 3-day silent retreat (which was truly incredible). But my poor old cushion has sat abandoned since early 2009, and I think it might be time to give it a good dusting off. Get back in the sadle, as they say.

For more information about meditation, I recommend checking out True North Insight, a local group grounded in the tradition of Insight (or mindfulness) Meditation. http://www.truenorthinsight.org/ They also hold classes and retreats in the Toronto area.

Camp Food

2011-08-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

We just returned from some fabulous camping in Algonquin Park at Mew Lake. Although different from C.B.C (Camping Before Children), we discovered that toddlers are exceptionally well behaved when outdoors all day long. We're looking forward to future canoe/portage trips with our little diva, who stops every 5 minutes to get the dirt brushed off her feet!

Image from So Good and Tasty (link below)

When I finally began reading the list of ingredients on common foods I buy for camping meals and snacks (and for everyday life for that matter!), I was disgusted. Why are there so many ingredients, and how come I don't really know what half of them are? One of these products I used to buy was granola bars - quick and easy as a snack, it's a food that many of us have in our cupboards.

But after realizing that manufacturers put 4-5 different kind of refined sugars in the bars (not to mention other weird ingredients I have to google), I decided it couldn't be that hard to make my own. And it's not! Granola bars are super easy, because you're mainly just mixing wet and dry ingredients, and then packing them down into a baking dish. 10-15 minutes tops (plus baking time).

I have played around with many different recipes, and recently found one of the best. This super bar doesn't contain any added oils/fats, refined sugar (ok, so there's some in the cranberries and choc. chips...but at least not the amount you find in store bought versions), wheat, dairy or soy. And they taste really good! I got this recipe from So Good and Tasty, and here is the version we do:

2 ripe bananas
1/2 nut butter (natural peanut or almond)
1/2 cup slivered almonds
1/4 cup sesame seeds
1 cup rolled oats
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1/4 cup dark chocolate chips
1/4 cup unsweetened shredded coconut

Mash bananas with a fork, and then throw everything else in. Mix until a big, sticky mess. Press into the bottom of a baking dish sprayed with a bit of cooking oil (or use parchment paper). Bake for 20-25 minutes at 350 and voila!

The thing I love about this recipe is that you can substitute almost any ingredient, or leave things out. You can use any kind of nut butter, any kind of chopped nuts, and any kind of seeds that you have lying around in your cupboards. You can also leave out the fruit, chocolate chips or coconut.

This will be one recipe we use again, even when we're not at the campground!

Hating the annoying, or loving the unreachable?

2011-08-26T11:19:00.000-07:00

I've recently become enamoured with a blog called Enjoying the Small Things, which I'm sure many of you have heard about. I came across it because of her famous post about her daughter's birth story. As a doula, I am constantly reading birth stories, in the hopes of gleaning any extra information I can about labour, birth and baby care. This helps me to be better informed for my clients.

So much to my surprise, when I was one day googling "Kelle Hampton" (the author of the blog), and came across a whole gaggle of links referring to terms like "kelle hampton annoying" and "kelle hampton hating." With some time to waste, I clicked on the links and began reading.

Twenty minutes later, I came to the conclusion that we could all do with a little more love in this world. Naive? Perhaps. Stupid? Most certainly not.

I was able to draw a link between these "kelle haters" and a recent column I read by Christie Blatchford about the death of a Canadian politician, Jack Layton, and the letter that was released by his family posthumously. In this column, Christie ridicules the eloquent words of Jack Layton, writing that the letter "shows what a canny, relentless, thoroughly ambitious fellow Mr. Layton was. Even on Saturday, two days before he died, he managed to keep a gimlet eye on all the campaigns to come."

She also points out that he wrote this in conjunction with his party president, chief of staff, and wife, which somehow suggests that it was no more than the wasted words of a conniving politician. Two days before death, I'm not sure many people could write an eloquent letter without a little help. When my grandfather passed away from colon cancer, his decline was quick and devastating, and he wouldn't have been able to put pen to paper if he tried.

And yes, of course the letter had a political message - what would you expect of a fellow who had risen so high, so fast, only to see it all slip away in a month's time? What Christie fails to consider is that perhaps Mr. Layton's letter had a deeper meaning than simply a desire to be boastful and vain. I didn't know the guy personally, but if I take what I know from friends who DID know him, I see him as a person who truly cared about the well being of all human beings. You don't come across these types of people very often, and it's even rarer for such a stellar guy to also be a charismatic and effective leader.

I don't feel angry with these "kelle hater" bloggers and columnist Christie Blatchford, but I do feel sorry for them. Somewhere along their life paths, they have become the epitome of cynicism, and this saddens me greatly. Although I respect their right to comment on social, political and cultural issues (as I am doing right this minute), it strengthens my resolve to live differently. What I hope for myself and my family, is that we never get to the point where we find the creativity, positiveness and confidence of other people to be annoying....or worse, "vainglorious."

Is it so bad to embrace things that are sappy? Is it so horrible to rejoice in the beauty of this life, even for brief and fleeting moments? Would our world be any worse off if we followed Jack's advice?

What I suspect deep down (and perhaps have even felt at times) is that those people who become cynical are truly desiring something they find to be out of their reach - as mothers, perhaps it is the image of the "perfect" family; as women, it might be our perceived notion of beauty (we're never thin enough, pretty enough...); as human beings, is it the desire for love, forgiveness or empathy?

The next time you read something, watch something or talk to someone and have the knee-jerk reaction to ridicule, criticize or condemn, stop for a moment and tap into your desires. What is it you truly want? What do you see somewhere else (or IN someone else) that you sense is missing in your own life? Because that hole is certainly there, and you will try to fill it with your cynicism, anger and sadness.

For now, I will fill any holes I find with the joy of the small things and will remain in awe of the beauty of Kelle's pictures and Jack's letter. When I'm gone, I hope to be remembered for taking delight in things, not taking the delight out of things.

Peeking out at the world (I'm on a blogging break, I swear!)

2011-08-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

I'm at work (real work) at the moment, and screening 2000 research papers, so it's essential I take a lunch break and join the real world. Here is my addition to the Capital Mom "Monday Moments" blog post. The theme this week is "peeking."

She took a deep breath, and bore down with all her strength. Sweat beaded on her brow, and her cheeks flushed red.

She looked up at me and said "I can't do this." Her eyes were sad, and searching mine for a sign that this would soon be over.

I looked down, and saw the sign she needed - a squishy tip of head peeking out.

"Your baby's head is right there, I said. Reach down and touch her."

With a shaking hand, she reached down and felt around.

"There's so much hair," she exclaimed, looking at me with an excited smile.

With the next contraction, and the roar of a goddess, a baby slipped out and joined the world with a cry.

This post is for all the Mommies who tell me they can't do it, and go on to prove themselves wrong!

Taking a break

2011-08-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted anything on my blog lately. No because there hasn't been things going on in my life, but because I'm just too damned busy.

My recent posts have probably pointed to the fact that I need to take a little break from the online world. I'm finding it difficult juggling two jobs, a toddler and home life. These past few days we went camping with family out near Carleton Place, ON, and it was the first time I can remember in ages just having sat and read a book. And those who know me know that I used to sometimes read a novel in a day, and usually 2-3 novels per week.

This space, my Twitter account (@chickadeedoula), Facebook, email and my website are all wonderful tools to help me promote my business and build up a client base. As well, I have met so many wonderful people on here, and look forward to reading their blogs every day! Despite these benefits, social media takes up a huge chunk of my day, and I often wonder how much is necessary and how much is a time waster (e.g. do I really need to click on a link to find out how to make my own hair gel??)

So, I have decided to take the rest of the summer off! September will be much calmer for me, and so I will return with some new posts at that point. I'll also check in here from time to time to read my fav. blogs. Right now I'm going to concentrate on family, work and home, and maybe even take some time to read a book or two.

See you in September!

This chick is sick

2011-08-03T12:06:00.000-07:00

Forget the man cold....I have a Mom Cold. The man cold pales in comparison:

There is no "999" ladies...the only number you'll be dialing is the pizza delivery guy. Plans of home cooked meals are thrown out the window!

Inevitably when you get sick, everyone else seems to sense your need for down time and they ramp up their own expectations of you (and if you are a doula, two women will go into labour on the same day)

There is no bell! No one will come rub your forehead and say "poor bunny." Your own mothers are chuckling to themselves...payback time!

Children are sick at the same time, and so you are forced to deal with a sniffling, crabby child while feeling as though your head is stuffed with cotton

Your man develops a man cold at the same time, and calls 999

It's time to call in the reinforcements (and if you've watched the video, you know that the paramedics are useless!) In this household, Nana and Boompah have arrived, and the other Nana and Papa will be here on Friday. Thank goodness for grandparents!

Breastfeeding a toddler

2011-07-29T06:35:00.000-07:00

As Aylen's second birthday approaches, I'm well aware that I'm entering a small camp of Moms who breastfeed their toddlers. I don't know the exact statistics (unless you want to look at stats from over 10 years ago), but the number is certainly low. Out of all my friends, I know of only one or two who continue to breastfeed past two years of age.

I can remember my own opinion (before I became a Mom), that if a child can ask for milk, then they shouldn't be getting it! Ah, how silly and judgemental I was back then. This perhaps explains why I feel apologetic when I explain to people that she's still breastfeeding. It's because I feel judged - my own ignorant remarks are coming back to bite me in the bum.

Kids ask for milk all the time, but usually they're asking for milk from a jug in the fridge. And that seems to be OK with us. But asking for milk from a boobie?! What a shocker!!! I wonder how parents would feel if their child asked to suck on a cow's teat?

I like this quote from Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding:

"Some mothers are told they are breastfeeding for their own gratification. I must say, this argument makes me very angry. There are few, if any, women who breastfeed just for their own gratification. This is once again taking breastfeeding as some sort of sexual activity, in a society that does not understand that the primary purpose of breasts is to nurture children."

Because really, deep down, this is all about sex, isn't it? - unless your argument is that breastfeeding past one year will lead to an overindulged/dependent child (and these are usually the people who put the same argument forth for parents who co-sleep). When I ask people why they feel breastfeeding a toddler is "wrong," they usually just give me an uncomfortable look, as if to say - but it's your BREASTS!

Sex, nurturing, love, tenderness....all of these things are connected to each other, and there's no real way to separate them. Am I breastfeeding to have a sexual experience? No! I am breastfeeding because my child enjoys it, it provides me with a stronger connection to her, we both find it relaxing and it is an expression of our love (and just because you don't breastfeed your toddler doesn't mean that you can't express your love in other ways - just don't judge me for doing it my way).

But the main reason I have kept up breastfeeding is that I find it to be so easy. I spent the first 3 months in tears because of breastfeeding - being exhausted all the time, having sore/cracked nipples, and never having time to "get away" made our breastfeeding relationship difficult. Once I hit 9 months, things had become significantly easier, and I finally started to enjoy breastfeeding. So why the heck would I want to give it up? As well, Aylen is not showing any signs that she's ready to give it up, so I've decided to continue on until we both come to a mutual agreement.

Down the road, if I am tired of breastfeeding and want to give it up, I may find ways to gently wean Aylen. People tell me that I need to set a "deadline." That if I don't, I may be breastfeeding a 5 year old. I strongly disagree, and even if Aylen hangs on for longer than I hope she does, there are ways to gently encourage her to give it up. Just like we need to gently encourage our children to give up their pacifiers or thumbs.

I'll never forget this hilarious story one Mom told about her breastfeeding toddler:

"We had been trying to gently wean our 3.5 year old, but each time we suggested it, she would burst into tears. She had been nursing less and less, but still needed Mommy's boobs on occasion. One day while nursing, she stopped, looked at me and asked "Mommy makes juice?" And I said, "no honey, Mommy only makes milk." She took my hand, led me to the fridge and asked for juice! She was weaned after that day."

If you're not yet a parent, be very careful in your judgements of other breastfeeding Moms. You will never truly know what it's like until you experience it. You may be VERY happy to wean at one year, or you may be quite happy to continue on and let your child self-wean. And if you're a new breastfeeding Mom, perhaps open yourself up to the possibility of having a breastfeeding toddler. And don't worry, some day they will be going to high school, and won't be asking for "Mommies boobies."

10

2011-07-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

As I go sailing past a milestone, I am taking a moment to reflect. Most couples celebrate their 10-year anniversary and organizations will spend a whole year marking their first 10 years in business. As adults, the beginning of each decade is a significant birthday - we move through our 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond.

What inspires us to stop and honour the number 10?

In my case, I have recently completed 10 births as a doula. I no longer have to explain to potential clients that I am a "newer doula" and I'm supposed to be able to say with confidence that I am experienced in what I do.

And so, I would like to celebrate this moment by reflecting on the process of moving forward as a doula. I admit that it's easier to see this process as non-linear, but our world tends to operate more on the basis of ABCs and 123s!

Birth 1: the honeymoon stage. Ah, love and bliss. In the birthing world, we hold steadfast to our strong (and often naive) beliefs in birth as a beautiful and natural process** (see note below) Our first birth either reaffirms or shatters these beliefs.

Births 2, 3, 4: the honeymoon begins to fade away into the dark recesses of our minds. Doubt creeps in. We begin to pick away at ourselves and our imagined failings as a doula. At 4am, after being awake almost 24hours, we are wishing we never became a doula, and pray for a warm bed to lie in.

Births 5, 6: Something "big" happens. We leave a birth feeling confident; the outcome of the birth was especially good; or we receive high praise in an evaluation form.

Births 7, 8, 9: we begin to see our role in a whole new light. We are not the director of a woman's birthing experience - we are the guide. A natural birth is not always possible or desired. A birth can be beautiful anywhere, with any caregiver. When the woman holds the power, she is the director of her experience.

Birth 10: a new confidence emerges. We are calm and careful - we speak less, and listen more. With each birth comes a new lesson, and we are eager to learn. We realize that no amount of books, conferences or research papers will make us into "experts." We will always be learning, growing and moving on.

Thanks to all the mommies, daddies and babies who gave me the opportunity to witness their personal and awe-inspiring journeys. Here's to the next 10!
**I'm not trying to argue here that birth is not beautiful and natural. But I think new doulas start their careers with rose-coloured glasses on, and the belief that our mere presence will result in positive outcomes. This is not always the case, and there are many, many factors that play a role. Regardless of the outcome, our continuous support has given Mom a sense of choice and power in her birthing experience, and THAT my friends, is what makes our role so important

Getting Organized

2011-07-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

The key to preventing burn-out is to get organized! It takes a lot of time (and a bit of money) to invest in an organized life, but once you get there, things tend to run a bit more smoothly.

In light of my recent discovery that I'm overdoing it, I've decided to find ways to help this family car chug-a-lug!

I went out today and purchased a huge family calendar - the one with the boxes big enough to fit an entire essay! We will be keeping track of Mom and Dad's work schedules, Aylen's playdates, Mom's doula appointments and other social events.

I've also purchased a special calendar for Aylen to assist with potty training. So far, we've been potting training half-heartedly, even though Aylen is showing clear signs that she's ready to do away with diapers. A fun and creative calendar can help kids feel visually motivated about their successes.

In addition to these visual cues and friendly reminders, it's time to get our physical space organized. The office, which is my workspace for most of the week, is still packed with boxes, stacks of paper, and random items (like q-tips??) Hubby's workshop is a DISASTER (think Hurricane Hazel-type disaster), and I have been *gently* proding him to clean it up. I have recently hired someone to help out with some spring cleaning, and we may also retain her services for some organizational advice. I know, it sounds crazy that I actually have to pay someone to do this, but I'm most definitely a rotten organizer. And you can't run your own business without being on the ball.

I read some advice recently on a great birth business website - if we continually have things on our "to do" lists that aren't getting done, we need to consider delegating or outsourcing. In hiring someone to help with spring cleaning (that clearly was not done in the spring!), I am essentially crossing 10 things off my to-do list that I'll probably never get around to. Either that, or my poor Mom will take pity on me and do it when she's visiting. And once our physical space is in order, we'll have the time and sanity to spend on more important things - likely playing with our daughter, exercising and cooking healthy meals.

Tell me your story about how you're making life easier on you and your family - any organizational tips? prattmisty@hotmail.com

A cloud passes over the sun

2011-07-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

Saturday night we returned home after a long (but fun) day spent with our friends from Toronto. It seems as though all days have been long lately, and there has been a lack of sleep in this household. We are playing musical beds - hubby falling asleep while putting Aylen down; me moving to the couch when hubby finally wakes up and comes to bed; and then getting up a couple times a night to tend to Aylen. I've had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, and my days are passing by in a blur. Hubby is working 12 hour (or longer!) days, and he is up at 4:45am to make it to work by 6. Aylen sees so little of him that she adopted a "new" Daddy this weekend when our friends came to stay (pictures of that to follow!!)

It is easy to slip into a rut without noticing the subtle signs along the way. These past six months have been exciting ones - I have launched a business, grown into my role as "Mommy-preneur," and completed ten births. I'm also keeping my job with the Ottawa Hospital Research Institute, and have been busy working on some big projects. Aylen, always the busy toddler, keeps us on our toes every day - there are no sleep-ins in this house, and don't even think about sitting down to check your email! She is a wonderfully spirited child, but it's exhausting being "on" all the time. We get a lot of questions about when we'll be having another child, and all I can say is "not anytime soon!"

But there are subtle signs that one is no longer coping so well with a busy schedule:

1) Never taking the time to exercise

2) Forgetting to do the things you once loved to do

3) Finding your coffee mug filled for the third time that day, even though you are committed to limiting your caffeine intake

4) Being OK with eating cheese, raw veggies and bread for dinner every night because you can't be bothered to cook

5) Relying on alcohol to "calm your nerves"

and the BIGGIE...

6) Missing/Cancelling/Reneging on appointments

On Friday a wonderful woman called me to inquire about doula services and we chatted for almost half an hour about her pregnancy and birth goals. We both felt a good connection and agreed to meet the following evening. I wrote everything down on a piece of paper (first mistake), and let hubby know that I would be out that evening. Only the universe truly knows why, but the appointment completely slipped my mind. I sat up in bed at 10pm in a complete panic, and quickly went to call the woman to apologize. She of course sounded a bit upset, and although she said she would call back to reschedule, I am 99% sure I'll never hear from her again.

For some reason this set off a flood of tears (the kind my daughter has, when she can't catch her breath and hiccups a lot). It didn't help that I'd been reading the news for an hour before bed, hearing about the shooting deaths in Norway, Amy Winehouse and the drought in Africa (ok, so maybe I wasn't crying over Amy Winehouse, but it was a recognition of all the suffering that occurs around the world that I have absolutely no control over; whether it's one death, 90 deaths or thousands of deaths).

All of which to say, I think I may be on the path to burn-out. I hear a lot about "doula burn-out" and I always assumed it happened to other doulas - ones that had 4 births a month, who became too involved in their clients and never took time for themselves. But this missed appointment has alerted me to a similar problem - I think I am doing too much. And the funny thing is, I was committed to having the month of September off before this woman called!

I'll never forget the time I took a boat trip on Lake Ontario with my ex-boyfriend and his family. We were chugging along, parallel to the shores of Hog Town (Toronto), and were watching a slow-moving storm system creep up behind the city. The clouds resembled a giant lion's paw, ready at any moment to take a swipe. The sky darkened and the air grew very still. We quickly realized that we needed to find some shelter at the nearby Toronto Islands. We rode out the storm as it bashed the small boat against the docks. We later found out a tornado had touched down somewhere in the city.

I am in that boat now, and have sensed a stillness in the air. The calm before the storm. It is time for me to seek shelter, regroup, and emerge to the dewy-soft after rains.

A little bit of nothings which say everything

2011-07-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

I am currently eating genetically-modified, chemically-laden soup from the hospital cafeteria

I haven't packed a lunch to bring to work in weeks

There is a sticky residue festering on my floors

My green bin is filled with maggots

I don't remember the last time I worked myself up into a sweat

This morning I turned on the vaccum cleaner and left the room to drown out the sound of Aylen's temper tantrum

I missed my blogging goals this week

We have lived in our house for one year, and there are still numerous boxes left unpacked

Our vegetable garden boxes were built with treated wood, which I recently discovered will leach and contaminate the soil

And yet...

Yesterday I massaged the feet of a woman giving birth to her third child

I continue to meet and befriend kind, passionate, and hard-working women in this beautiful capital city

The other night my daughter asked to "tickle mama's back" and I got to lie down and enjoy the sensations of tiny fingers working their magic

My hubby has been voted sexiest man alive by the Pratt-Stacey household (it was unanimous)

I have learned the joys of jumping through a sprinkler with my clothes on

I will go to sleep tonight and wake to a new day

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
- Mary Oliver, "Wild Geese"

Great Expectations

2011-07-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

I have a deadline at work that has been keeping me glued to a computer, all day long, with few breaks. My wrists are aching from repetitive motion, and words like "mean, standard deviation and standard error" are rattling around in my brain. I have been staring at massive spreadsheets with eeny weeny numbers on them and transferring all this data into pretty Word tables.

So the blog posts I have been composing leave much to be desired. My theme this week is "community and motherhood" and I had planned on writing some excellently researched articles, with links, resources and quotes. But in reading through what I have written, I'm sad to say that these posts are BORING!!

And while I was doing some jumping jacks here in my computer room (to get blood flowing again), a thought came to me: I didn't start this blog to be academic and witty. I started this blog anonymously so that I could have a place to write creatively and spill my issues/thoughts/concerns onto virtual paper. So why now all this pressure to write a blog that is everything: educational, funny, touching and personal?

On the subject of community, this past year I have dived headfirst into the community of social media. I have met many wonderful people, but have (of course) started comparing myself to other blogs. All of a sudden, I needed to do things better! How come my blog doesn't have 5,000 followers? How come my blog is full of silly personal anecdotes when there are so many more important stories out there? I decided my blog needed to be a place for people to come to read about a variety of topics - other doulas/midwives/mamas should be reading my blog!!!

The problem with expectations, of course, is that they often go unmet. My jumping jacks jolted me out of my fantasy of world-wide blogger fame, and back to the matter at hand - for me, this blog is for fun; it's creative; and I love interacting with other mommies in my community. I like sharing personal stories because the majority of my readers are family and friends!

I haven't abandoned my idea of some interesting posts on community and motherhood, but I've gone back to the drawing board to take a deep breath and tap into my creativity. After all, no one wants to read a research paper (let alone me, after the thousands I have to read at work).

Stay tuned, mes amies...

We've come a long way, baby

2011-07-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

Time Spent Living In...

Scarborough, ON: 19 years

St. Catharines, ON: 3 years

Trois-Pistoles, QC: 5 weeks

Toronto, ON: 2 years

Huntsville, ON: 6 months

Ottawa, ON: 5 years

Number of Times I Have Moved House: 12 (not including the back and forths from St. Catharines and home again for summers off)

Hours I Have Spent on the Road: Countless

Carbon Emissions: Embarassingly high

When the word "community" comes to mind, many of us remember the various places in which we have resided. Some we remember with fondness, and others we could soon forget.

Most of us live in urbanized areas where we work and raise families, and often this is at a distance from our own parents and extended family. The reasons are varied and familiar - it is easier to travel now as compared to 100 years ago; it is cheap to travel (for most of us); and our society seems to encourage youth to "discover their world" via foreign jobs or volunteer work. We are required to go where employment can be found, and many of us end up rooted in a community that is thousands of kilometers away from where we were born.

Our globalized world has opened up countless new opportunities for growth. Some would argue that it has also done a good job at chipping away at the foundation of community - our economic, social, cultural and political landscape.

This is most apparent (to me) in the lives of North American women. I am one of many mothers who lives at a distance from close family members. Yes, I live in a "community" as it is so defined, with all the modern conveniences at my fingertips. I have a large house with ample green space; I have two good jobs that both bring in enough dough to keep up mortgage payments; I am close to public transportation, malls, and shops; I have adequate health care; and I have access to clean water and food.

What is perhaps missing from this picture is a strong emotional connection to other people in my community. Oh, of course we have friends and some family here (on my hubby's side). But when it comes down to it, I probably wouldn't call any of these people after a rough day, when the only thing I want to do is click my heels and be in another place and time. I have no one to ask to come over at a moment's notice to watch the little one while I try and finish up some work, or run an errand. And I am certainly alone in many of our days adventures of cooking, cleaning, and childcare.

Of course, this is entirely my fault because I moved away from home in the first place and had a child here, but that doesn't mean that something shouldn't be done to remedy the problem. I completely understand that I will never live in an African village where I spend my days toiling with the local women (and nor do I wish I were there, as I love my country and my society). However, this does not mean that I need to abandon the idea of a close-knit community that may afford me with some of the benefits of a communal life.

This is not the 1960s and I cannot (and choose not) to run off to a commune somewhere, in hopes for a better life. I do realize that the grass is always greener on the other side, and that communities with close ties have their own set of problems. But I am ready to contemplate how to redefine my sense of community - one that is conducive to mothering a family. We could choose to stop where we are with one child, and most likely things would get easier as time goes on. But for a society to continue to grow and prosper, women must feel well supported in their choice to have multiple children.

Join me this week in a discussion on community; how it is defined, where we fall short, and how to envision a healthier community.

Check back here everyday for new posts, and follow me on Twitter @chickadeedoula

Super Mom to the rescue!!

2011-07-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

My super duper flying skiis

Oh no, wait!!

Super Mom has crashed and is down for the count!!

Super Mom thought she could fly on skiis, but discovered she could not

Could this situation have been avoided?

YES!!! Let's tell Super Mom how:

1) Know that when you scale a mountain, you somehow need to get back down.

We all have our "to do" lists, which are miles long. We have children, chores, meals to prepare, jobs, and perhaps even second jobs. On top of all this, we want to learn new skills, maintain our social lives, and find time for some volunteering. As we add each new thing to our "mountain" we can find ourselves teetering on the top, unsure of how to make our way back down. The solution? Stick to the straight road, with the rolling hills. Don't make a mountain out of a sweet little mole hill.

2) We can't fly without wings

We are not angels. We have temper tantrums, breakdowns, we yell and throw things. And these un-angelic-like behaviours become habits when we are trying to do too much. In the end, our kids suffer, our partners suffer, and WE suffer. Come to the realization that you are not perfect, and never will be. But you CAN minimize said uncontrollable behaviours by taking one half hour each day to: shut down, log off and go out. Take a walk, read a book under a tree, or light some candles and soak in the tub.

3) The path you take must be your own

In the blogosphere, we can see all sorts of snapshots of other families' lives, which look charming and wholesome in light of our messy, muddled existence. I often wonder if I'd be a better mother if I knew how to sew/knit or organize super fun activites each day. But I've come to the realization that I need to do my own thing, and that my child will grow up to love our special path (except between the ages of 13 and 19, when she will hate me and talk about me with her therapist) - if we all think back, don't we remember the great memories we have with our own mothers?

4) We must learn that when we love, we open ourselves up to loss

As a mother, you will lose a lot. You will lose time, energy, brain cells, and perhaps even your dignity for a moment or two (like the time you burst into tears, stomped your foot and slammed the bedroom door). You may lose friends who are not on the same page as you, and who knows, you might even lose your child in the grocery store some day (but find them again a few terrifying seconds later). Despite all this loss, the love you have for your child and your family will add oodles of joy to your life, and you don't have to be a Super Mom to appreciate this.

Therefore, Super Moms of the world, take these lessons with you wherever you go, and remember...

"There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one”
- Jill Churchill

Sleep my sweet baby...

2011-07-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have read the Adam Mansbach book "Go the Fuck to Sleep," which looks like a cute little children's book from the cover, but slowly dissolves into verbal diarrhea with each passing page. And yes, I giggled quite a bit, as I'm sure we've all said a version of this sentence (in our heads!) to our children when bedtimes become frustrating.

Sleep is probably one of the biggest concerns that parents have about their children. You'd think we would worry more about character development, physical activity and healthy eating. But no, it is sleep. How long, where, when and with whom.

I have written about this a few times (see this post, and follow-up post), but have been prompted to write again by a good friend and an interesting blog I have recently discovered.

Specifically, I wish to address co-sleeping, or what we are now calling "bed sharing." Co-sleeping means having your baby in the same room, but in their own bassinet/crib/bed. Bed sharing is when your baby/toddler sleeps in the same bed as you do. This post is not meant to convince you to bed share. I have complete respect for parents who choose their own path, and I hope that they have the same respect for me. The aim of this post is to dispel some myths, and try to open the lines of communication on a popular practice that seems to be condemned by media and many parenting "experts."

Bed sharing or co-sleeping is a hot-button topic. Most public health agencies are against bed sharing, but support co-sleeping (see the City of Ottawa website: "it is unsafe for your baby to sleep with you or anyone else, at any time") In a 2010 segment on CBC's The Current, Richard Haber, the Director of the Pediatric Consultation Centre at the Montreal Children's Hospital, claimed that bed sharing is dangerous - he compared it to driving without your seat belt on. I answered quickly with a letter to the CBC, which was later read on air. I don't have a copy of it, but I vaguely remember writing something like "I wish so-called experts would stop trying to tell me how to parent my child."

Let's take a poll right now (leave your reply in a comment below) - how many of you have shared a bed with your infant, even just once? I'll bet a million bucks that most of you will say you have shared a bed, even for just part of a night. And so, if it's so dangerous, why is everyone doing it and why aren't more babies dying as a result?

Let's take a look at some of the arguments against bed sharing:

1) It's dangerous, as we heard from Dr. Haber. The CBC piece was done in response to the second of three inquests into the deaths of infants who died when they were sleeping with their parents.

2) Your sex life will dwindle away to nothing

3) Your child will forever be dependent on you to go to sleep and stay asleep

4) Your infant will grow up to be spoiled and needy

Let's address these arguments one by one (and I encourage everyone to add anything they think I've missed). Is it truly dangerous? When we look at the deaths that have occurred with babies in bed, we tend to find specific reasons for the unsafe situation. These include alcohol/drugs, smoking, water beds, too much bedding, or sleeping on soft surfaces such as a couch. And as devastating as this situation must be for parents, we also know that babies can die from SIDS, tucked away nicely in their cribs.

Second argument: sex. First of all, in the early days, you will probably not be having very much sex. You will be sore, tired and most likely not very interested! As time goes on, perhaps you will become more interested in relations with your hubby. So after you put your sweet sleeping baby into your bed, then what? Go somewhere else! I'm sure you have a guest bedroom, and if you don't, there's always the couch. Finding a different location took all of about two seconds of creative thinking, didn't it? You probably need ways to spice up your sex life at this point, so there you go (maybe even the kitchen table??)

Third argument: dependency. Yes, your child depends on you. And just because night has come, this dependency doesn't go away. Babies who share a bed with their parents usually have the same needs as babies who sleep alone in their own room - they want their parents around to help them fall asleep and stay asleep. And parents who decide to share a bed do not end up in a lifelong battle for sleep with their children - at some point down the road, you WILL be able to gently help your child wean from your arms, then from your bed (if they don't just do it by themselves, which many children do). You will know when that time comes, and you can respectfully support your child in becoming more independent.

Finally, there is a myth that children who share a bed with their parents are spoiled and needy. There is a lot of research out there showing otherwise (check it out here), and in fact, bed sharing infants seem to become well adjusted adults, with higher self esteems and a better ability to handle stress.

If you are considering a bed sharing arrangement, I would get your hands on some quality information about how to practice "safe sleep." There are countless articles, books and websites out there for you to read. The basics are:

- never sleep with your child if you are taking drugs or drinking alcohol. Your ability to sense your child's movements in bed will be significantly impaired.

- if your hubby is a heavy sleeper, have your baby in between you and the wall (or you and a mesh bed rail).

- most parents find it easiest to get rid of the bed frame for a while, and just sleep on a mattress on the floor. This reduces the incidence of babies falling out of bed (but don't forget that your infant is not going to be able to roll around much - this becomes more of a worry when they are a few months older)

- never sleep with your child on a water bed, or other cushy surface (e.g. your couch). Your baby's face could get smooshed in a corner and they could suffocate

- make sure your mattress is nice and firm, and that there are minimal blankets and pillows. For a while, you and your hubby should each have a separate blanket, which they should be thin and breathable (or, if you wear warm pajamas, you could even go without blankets). You want to ensure that there won't be any way for your infant to get underneath a blanket

- do not share a bed with your baby if either of you are smokers

There are many more guidelines out there, and it's up to you to get the best possible information. In approaching a parenting decision, remember that YOU are the expert - no one else out there knows your child better than you do. And if you are not yet a parent, try to avoid saying things like "I would never let my child sleep in my bed".....because you most likely will, just as you will probably feed your child sugar, yell at them, let them stay up late, and occasionally let them run wild around the house in their birthday suit. We were all better parents before we became parents :o)

Alone..but hopefully not lonely!

2011-06-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

My little baby (or, pardon me, my young daughter) has gone away for almost four days. My hubby has taken her to visit family, and left me here to rattle around in this big 'ol house. I could have joined them, obviously, but this was a short notice trip, and I had a lot of plans this weekend that I didn't want to cancel. As a doula, I already cancel enough on friends, and I'm worried that my social life may soon be non-existent if I don't take some quality "me" time.

My fun plans this weekend do not erase the anxiety I feel over my travelling daughter. Some of you may be thinking "is she crazy!? I'd give my left foot for a weekend alone!" And yes, I do have some of those feelings - evenings to myself to read all I want; time for major house cleaning that never seems to get done; and maybe even some time for exercise! So sure, I'm excited, as any Mommy might be.

But I'm also a bit scared, because....well....I just don't like being alone! I've always had a tough time being by myself - I envy those people who can go camping in the wilderness ALL BY THEMSELVES, or live in a big house ALL BY THEMSELVES. I get terrified camping, even if someone's with me!

I guess part of the problem is my imagination. In the city, I imagine rapists and murderers who break in to my house to get me. I'll wake up a couple of times a night just to check the locks on the doors, and if I hear a strange noise, there is no sleep to be had! In the country/wilderness, I am spooked by wildlife, and maybe even a ghost or two. There's just something so empty and desperate about a place without people, and I don't feel at all comfortable venturing there.

I'm probably also a bit nervous about Aylen, and hoping that she's braver than Mommy. Maybe she'll be the kid who doesn't mind travelling, or sleepovers, or camp. Maybe she'll be able to leave me and not become homesick (like I used to do at camp when I was young). But she's not even two years old yet, and so I hope she can handle four days with Daddy and no Mommy. I've been told "she'll be fine," and so I am hoping that will be the case.

While I conquer my fear of loneliness and catch up on some much needed sleep, I'll also be venturing downtown to catch a glimse of William and Kate, and be participating in a big cook-off with a group of friends, in an effort to fill our freezers full of ready-made meals. Have a lovely Canada Day weekend everyone, and see you back here in a few days!

Debt

2011-06-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

Let's talk money. Money, money, money (must be funny, in a rich man's world!) In my culture, money is not talked about. Our parents would never announce their salaries (even to their own parents), or discuss household debt. My Mom still gets squirmy if she hears people chatting money, and warns me never to disclose specific details to other people - and she has a point! Sometimes when people know how much you make (and if it's a good salary), they automatically assume that you can afford to pitch in more than your share, or pick up the tab at family/friend social events. If not that, then snide remarks about your purchases can often be heard behind closed doors.

Times they are a changin' though and slowly people are talking more about money and its significance in our lives. Why? The recent economical meltdown has been a catalyst for change, and families are starting to realize that out-of-control spending and debt does not lead to a better life. Sure, we may have the cars, the house, the best clothes and the best toys for our children, but what happens when the money no longer trickles in and the debt we have gathered explodes in our faces? Bankruptcy, defaults, shame and despair is what tends to happen. And divorce! (check out this story on financial infidelity)

Did you know that Canadian families are now carrying more debt than they ever have before? We're buying things we can't afford, and using credit cards to meet our regular expenses such as gas and groceries. It's scary to think about, and to know that we're not immune to the financial crisis that took place down in the U.S. (and to a lesser extent, here as well).

Hearing these stories, and reviewing all of our income, bills and expenses, I've realized that our family is not immune to this national trend. Yes, we pay our credit card bills each and every month, but why are we charging things like groceries anyway? Shouldn't our budget include a set amount of cash for these types of necessary expenditures? In addition to credit cards, we also carry a small line-of-credit and a much heavier OSAP debt.

I read an inspiring story in Today's Parent the other day about a family who paid off their mortgage by the time they were in their 40s! And you know what? It really didn't sound that hard! (keep in mind that they have one child - much easier to allocate spare cash to debt when you don't have 2, 3, or 4 mouths to feed and bodies to clothe!)

When I think about how much extra cash there would be each month when we no longer have line-of-credit and OSAP payments, I get really excited! That extra chunk could be going towards our mortgage, which will help us to pay it off faster than the 25 years we have allocated ourselves. I'm not one to base all my decisions around our far-off retirement (I do like to enjoy life right now!), but I think my frugal Grandpa Hall would be smiling down on me if our family started to work towards financial stability.

And so, the first line of business is to begin using all "extra" cash (e.g. doula fees, surprise government payments like the HST rebate, and monthly child tax benefits) to pay off debt. I'm confident that we could have everything paid off in 2-3 years, which would then allow us to focus solely on our mortgage and long-term savings.

I'm ready for the challenge....how about you? Will you join me?

Rollin' rollin' rollin'

2011-06-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

Side of the road, in the ditch you rust

A mouthful of mud from a fistful of dust

A heart full of hurt from a head full of wine

I'll call you back some other time

No way I'm picking up my phone

I'm tired of talking, leave me alone

I can't run and I can't write

And I can't make it home tonight

Rollin, rollin, rollin

Gathering no moss

I don't know where I'm goin

But I know what I've lost

Talk is cheap but music's cheaper

Deep in debt and getting deeper

The price is steep and getting steeper

I'm yours to keep, won't you keep me?

I'm a keeper

Rollin, rollin, rollin

Gathering no moss

I don't know where I'm goin

But I know what it cost

...........

A lesson in uncool

2011-06-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

I'm the first to admit that I am not cool - I never have been. I used to wear t-shirts with pugs and other animals on them, and still don't really know how to dress myself. I say stupid things, and I'm sometimes too honest for my own good. I also spend a lot of time daydreaming, so people find me to be a little bit flighty at times.

But when you're young and insecure, the only thing you ever wish for is to be cool - to be accepted by a crowd of people you perceive to be god-like; beautiful, eloquent, smooth, funny, aloof and untouchable. You end up finding out later that many of them are Grade A Bumholes, but that fact doesn't really occur to you in the throws of adolescent angst.

Like poor William Miller in the film Almost Famous, I was most certainly not a cool kid, and strived to achieve a popularity that was always out of reach. I met a lot of good friends in the process, but ended up losing many others.

My biggest crime in high school was the fact that I played in the orchestra. I realized from an early age that playing an instrument did not lead one to a life of fame and glamour. You could often see me darting furtively from school, viola case in hand, praying to the lord above that no one would spot me. Many of my friends didn't even know I played an instrument until years later. I would often tell my parents to lie to current boyfriends who called if I was out at practice.

I wouldn't have admitted it at the time, but I really loved to play music. There's something about finally "getting" a song that causes me to break out in goosebumps all over my arms - it's the same sensation I feel at an amazing concert or Broadway musical - the music swells to a crescendo, and all of a sudden you get a rush of something...spiritual people might describe it as touching God, but I think it's just the witnessing of true beauty. And as a group, when you're finally all in tune and playing in perfect unison, you can sense that you have done it - perfection!

At the time I fancied myself to be a decent musician - I played the piano, was in the high school orchestra and choir, and also played in a cross-town youth orchestra. I had dreams of going to university to get a degree in music, and perhaps playing in the "pit" orchestras I loved listening to so much during musical theatre productions.

But the bid for popularity got in my way, and I was soon skipping choir practice for cheerleading practice, and hanging out with boyfriends who didn't give a damn about joining anything (let alone a BAND). And so I lost the attention of my music teacher, lost some other friends I cared a lot about, and essentially, lost my way entirely. I went to university for business!! (granted, I found my way back to something I was passionate about, but it wasn't music)

I don't have any regrets and definitely look back on a lot of fun times, but sometimes wonder what might have happened if I'd embraced my uncoolness and followed my passions? Like William Miller, would I have realized that the "industry of cool" was just one big sham, run by people who lacked any substance whatsoever? As I navigate my way through motherhood, I often look at my daughter and wonder what her experience will be like. I'm smart enough to know that I cannot shield her from any hurt or mistakes, but I do hope she'll be confident enough to do that herself and follow whatever path she chooses to go down.

And as for me, well, my pug t-shirt still sits in the bottom of one of my drawers....maybe today...nahhh. I think I'll stick with what I'm wearing.

The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool

Amateur

2011-06-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

Up we go!

Aylen's fav. thing to do - be upside down!

Curly Sue

Daddy and daughter

My hubby owns a very fancy camera that I rarely use. I'm actually allergic to learning things that are very technological, so I usually tune him out when he tries to give me a tutorial. Up until now, I've enjoyed using my easy point-and-click camera to capture special moments.

Now that I'm a doula, though, I have a newfound desire to help parents capture their births in a beautiful way - one that I can't do well with my easy-to-use camera. At two previous births I've attended, I've surprised myself by taking several amazing shots using my client's cameras.

So this past weekend I had my first try at using one of the manual functions on Tom's camera (don't ask me what the function was called; I can't remember). He showed me how to adjust the lighting, but I actually liked when the lighting was off - it makes the last picture look so neat. I have a lot of work to do on setting up the frame (as you'll see, I cut off Tom's legs in both top pictures), but I'm quite proud of my beginnings.

There are so many wonderful moments to capture during a birth, and women sometimes surprise themselves by wishing they had their photographer (who is usually the partner, doula or other close family member - although you can hire professional photographers) take some shots from the bottom of the bed. The whole event passes by in such a blur for the labouring woman, that even if she was squeamish about the whole process, she later wishes she could go back and see how it all went down.

The good news about digital cameras is that things can be easily deleted - my suggestion is to allow your photographer complete access (within reason of course - no one enjoys a camera being shoved in their face during a contraction). You can always go back and delete the ones you find gross or scary. But give youself a few weeks before you go and delete them - you might find the ones of your baby entering the world the most poignant of them all!

A Day at the Races

2011-06-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

Aylen is not too sure of things at first

Cheering for Grandpa as he races by

My brother attempting to keep my Dad cool while they wait for the start

My Dad - Racer Extraordinaire

Every year on Father's Day weekend VARAC (Vintage Automobile Racing Association of Canada) holds the International Vintage Racing Festival at Mosport. Mosport Raceway is a course located north of Bowmanville, and has been around for over 40 years, welcoming cars from Formula One, Indy, Can-Am, Stock and many, many more.

Even though we're not watching Formula One, this is still exciting racing! This was Aylen's first time joining her "boompah" (as she likes to call him), not counting the races I watched while she kicked away in my belly. She seemed overwhelmed by the noises of the cars at first, but soon became totally comfortable, and cheered her boompah on at the sidelines.

Given her obessession with all things mechanical, we are speculating that we have a female driver in the making...I think a Mini Cooper S would suit her quite well!

Happy Father's Day Dad!

New Posts Coming!

2011-06-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

I keep saying that I'm too busy, and resolve to blog more, but another week goes by and I've got a handful of half-written posts waiting to be finished!

This week you may see a whole bunch of new posts as I hurry to catch up...

Pitocin linked to ADHD

2011-06-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

A recent study shows a link between perinatal pitocin exposure and ADHD in children. Pitocin is a drug used to induce a woman's labour, or to make her contractions stronger. It is a synthetic version of our own hormone, oxytocin.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21527574

Keep in mind any conclusion such as this one needs to be investigated in a clinical trial, in order to reduce the effect of confounding factors.

(Confounding variables in statistics can have an impact on the conclusions we make - for example, I could say that eating cheese leads to a higher risk of heart attack. But have I taken into account confouding variables such as age, gender, and the fact that my research subjects also drink a lot, smoke and eat a lot of fried foods? So, I cannot conclude that eating cheese leads to heart attack, as I have not properly controlled for confounding variables)

This hypothesis should be investigated in a randomized controlled trial, which include ways to control confounding variables, such as blinding participants and using placebos. (I do wonder how this could work - would you recruit women who had just found out they were going to be induced, blind them to the drug used, and then recruit a set of "normal" volunteers who were not going to be induced? Hmmm....this would make an excellent PhD project!!! But the amount of funding you would need to follow these babies into childhood/adolescence would be staggering!!)

However, it is still disconcerting to see such a strong correlation between pitocin exposure and ADHD, and is something we should be keeping an eye on in the birthing community. Medical science can be a thing of wonder, but it is not immune to horrible mistakes (we all remember the Hormone Replacement Therapy scandal!) There are side effects of Pitocin that we do know about, and this study just adds to the suspicion that routine obstetrical interventions may not be all they're cut out to be.

If you're reading this, and your child was exposed to Pitcoin (or you are pregnant and terrified of receiving it), please don't panic when reading this post!! Keep in mind that sometimes the benefits associated with a drug/intervention can outweigh the risks, especially when it comes to your health or the health of your baby. Rest assured that nothing has been proven, and that this is all speculation.

What is important is that you feel informed when making a decision to use Pitocin during labour. Always question your doctor/midwife about the risks and benefits, and ask whether a "wait and see" approach may be best. And when in doubt, hire a doula, because we'll make it clear for you and help you with your decisions!

Big Baby, Healthy Body

2011-06-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

My theme this week on my Twitter account (@chickadeedoula) is Big Babies. I find this topic relevant to discuss, as the incidence of macrosomic babies (macrosomia is arbitrarily defined as babies weighing more than 8lbs, 13 ounces) is on the rise.

You might be wondering why this is a problem. We hear about a lot of babies being born bigger than 8lbs, 13 oz., and they seem to be fine!

With a big baby, there's a greater chance for labour complications. Moms of big babies can have significant perineal tearing, blood loss and potential damage to their tailbone. Big babies can also get stuck on the way out (called Shoulder Dystocia), which can result in severe injury or death. I have attended a birth such as this, but luckily everything turned out fine in the end. However, you can imagine the distress parents must feel when going through such an experience.

Research shows that bigger babies are on the rise - not surprising, given that our society as a whole is getting bigger. There are certainly risk factors - a higher prepregnancy weight, excessive weight gain during pregnancy and gestational diabetes. And keep in mind it can be entirely possible to have a big baby who is healthy and the "perfect" weight in relation to you and your partner's genetics.

Instead of focusing on the medical side of macrosomia I'd like to discuss what this mean for the pregnant woman in relation to body image.
As always, I try to see this from the woman's point of view, and understand how her personality, genetics, and socio-economic status might have an impact on her pregnancy experience. We all know from our current struggle with overweight/obesity that sitting a patient down and telling her to lose weight doesn't work, and often increases an individual's anxiety about their weight and body image.

However, a pregnant woman is different, in that she may not be obese - weight gain during pregnancy is variable, and depends on many different factors. Women who experience a lot of morning sickness tend to eat a lot during the day, as an empty stomach can lead to nausea and vomiting. Other women seem to have increased cravings for sugar or fatty foods. Some women who begin pregnancy at a completely normal weight will be surprised at their weight gain, despite all their efforts to exercise and eat well.

Perhaps we need to start at the beginning in our approach to prenatal education. I don't think weight gain "limits" are helpful at all, as we don't want pregnant women worrying about that number on the scale. However, the widespread belief that we are "eating for two" is also not helpful. Pregnant women actually don't need many extra calories, and a better approach to take is to eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full. And as well all know, avoiding excessive sugar and fat intake is something we should do regularly, even when we're not pregnant! (and just so you don't think that I'm a saint here, I once went to a midwifery appointment with a large Slushie in hand - I was duly scolded by my midwife for eating empty calories. Sometimes though, you just need that special something to settle an upset tummy!!)

Many women find that they are much more accepting of their bodies during pregnancy, as there is no societal pressure for pregnant women to be thin. For once in our lives, we are not judged by our body shape (in fact, everyone celebrates the beauty of a pregnant body!) Suddenly we find ourselves "letting loose" and eating things we never dared to eat prepregnancy, as we feel we deserve a break.

So instead of focusing so much on the food, perhaps we need to focus on healing our relationship to our bodies. The hormones that are flowing during pregnancy make us especially receptive to new ideas - here's a chance for us as women to work towards a better body image. Things such as yoga, meditation or other healing practices can go a long way in building self confidence that may spill over into the postpartum period. In fact, women with serious eating disorders who become pregnant tend to have 9 months of "recovery" - symptoms will return after they give birth, but suddenly they have a base from which to move forward.

If we enter pregnancy with a healthy relationship to our bodies, we will be much more likely to treat ourselves well, and feed ourselves and our babies with nourishing, wholesome food. But women who begin pregnancy with a distorted body image will only struggle with weight gain, either restricting too much or going overboard. It's time for health care providers to approach weight from a different perspective - one that takes into account women's ongoing struggles with body shape and food.

Any thoughts on this topic? Leave a comment here, or tweet me @chickadeedoula

Sunday summary

2011-06-05T18:22:00.000-07:00

Not much time for blogging recently, so thought I'd summarize some interesting things that have been going on in my life this past week:

1) I had an article published in a local paper that comes with our weekly flyers. I'm hoping this helps to raise the profile of doulas in our community, and am looking forward to approaching bigger media organizations who may bring this type of story to a wider audience: The Wrap

2) Attended my longest birth yet - 24 hours! Discovered that the floor of the hospital labour/delivery rooms are quite comfortable when you are exhausted. Just spread out some linens that you have stolen from the linen closet, grab a sweater to scrunch up as a pillow and you're good to go! The nurses seemed quite amused by my makeshift bed.

3) Must recommend a great book for all you foodies out there. Although I enjoyed Julie and Julia (the movie), I was quite disappointed with Julie Powell's published blog/memoir. I found her very crass and pretty boring!! However, I did recently discover another foodie memoir called Spoon Fed by Kim Severson. Where Powell is crass, Severson is quite eloquent, and certainly touched me much more with her story of how eight famous female cooks helped her turn her life around. The story is perfect for anyone who loves cooking and eating!!

4) Checked out the Orleans Festival here in East Ottawa, although was not quite conscious, as I'd had about 2 hours of sleep. However, I think little Aylen appreciated some Mommy time before I passed out for the afternoon. Looking forward to attending this festival next year when we have more time, as there seemed to be many things to do for both parents and children. I'm always happy to support local businesses and events!

That's about it for my week, and hope to get back to some more regular blog posts in the coming days.